It TOOK: me a long ass time to finish this post.

I AM the sum of all my parts. Take it or leave it. You can't have the good without the bad. I'm clingy, selfish, independent, loyal, moody, positive, self-conscious, proud, generous, thrifty, snobby, and laid back.

I WANT to live a full life. To me, this means being remembered for something important, making a difference in someone's life, and being loved by someone special.

I WISH I didn't have a visible birthmark. It is my kryptonite. I feel it has hindered me in life. I think it's the reason I'm still single. It didn't bother me when I was younger, in fact I hardly ever noticed it. But the older I get, the more self-aware I become.

I HATE sweating. I think it's gross.

I MISS being fearless. Snavy said this, and I think it really hits home for me. I miss saying what's on my mind. I miss walking around with with a thousand times more self-esteem than I do now. I miss caring too deeply and talking too loudly. Oh wait.. I still do those things.

I FEAR marriage. I have a deep seeded fear of commitment. I think it honestly runs in the family. I have a 40 yr old uncle who's been married and divorced 3 times. I have an uncle who's divorced after 20something years of marriage. I have three cousins who are my age who have already been married and divorced. I'm kidding of course about it running in the family. But think about it, there's a 50% chance of failure. And I'm not the gambling type.

I HEAR there's gonna be a Wolverine prequel. Can't wait for that. Hugh Jackman is hawt.

I WONDER if I'll ever make it to Tennessee. I hear some pretty great people live there. Unfortunately for me, they live there with their girlfriends.

I REGRET nothing. It leads to a game of what-if's. And homey don't play that.

I AM NOT that innocent. Ha! Got that song stuck in yer head now, huh?

I DANCE in my living room, in front of my tv, to my Nsync vhs of their 2000 world tour in New York's Madison Square Garden. Don't laugh. You did the same with New Kids on the Block. Come'on. Who was your favorite? Donny?

I SING everyday on my way to work. Or anytime I'm in the car, for that matter.

I CRY when I'm in a situation that I can't control. I also cry after watching scary movies, or any movies dealing with death. Death is something of which I'm terribly afraid. It's the ultimate in uncontrollable situations. And don't you dare say that I'm afraid of death because I don't believe in God or the afterlife. Believing in God doesn't make death any less uncontrollable.

I AM NOT ALWAYS truthful. It's so much easier to lie, dontcha think? Seriously, though, I have a bad habit of lying. It's the first thing I think of when someone asks me a question: Lie first, explain later.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS money, for to buy things with.

I WRITE poems occasionally. I don't do it often, because I have a stoopid knack for writing them in silly song style ala Dr. Suess.

I CONFUSE Iowa with Idaho. I took a glance at a map this weekend and was surprised to learn that Idaho was waaay West.

I NEED more money. Mo' money, mo' problems? I like my saying better: mo' money, mo' things.

I SHOULD start my own business. Maybe when I'm more settled. For now, I'll just concentrate on getting a new car. Yes, Fuckus is only a year old. But I live for new cars. New cars are my toys. I get one every year or so.

I START posts and then forget about them.

I FINISH them eventually.

Kemah: In Pictures

On May 29, 2006, my little sister and I set out to visit Kemah.

I used to live in Clear Lake. For reference, you have to

pass thru Clear Lake on your way to Kemah.

Clear Lake is home of N.A.S.A.

Kemah is on Galveston Bay.

Clear Lake is only 15 miles north of Galveston.

I miss Clear Lake.

It's not an unusual thing for me to go to Kemah. Some of you guys have even seen pictures of me in Kemah before. This is just my way of letting you into my daily life.

I was driving.

My sister was goofing off.

Riding thru Clear Lake, I found that the rumors are true:

there's always construction in Houston.

You can tell you're getting near water

when you start seeing palm trees.

You can tell your getting close to N.A.S.A

when you see a space-man themed McDonalds.

(I didn't realize that 'themed' McDonalds was such a big deal. I mean, I had driven by this particular location hundreds of times before. But then I started thinking to myself, Self, think about it, how many 'themed' McDonalds do you know of? Just this one? There must be others, but how many people have seen a N.A.S.A.-themed one? I think you should post it.)

Look! It's N.A.S.A.!

Yes, Krazy K... that's called the o-c-e-a-n.

Ah.. the wind blowing in your face, the salty sea air..

Ahoy, mateys! Something tells me Krazy K has spotted Kemah!

(For some reason, these pelicans are a landmark staple in Kemah. Everywhere you look, there are different ones on people's boat docks, in front of businesses, on street corners. I actually risked my life for this picture. Krazy K wanted a picture of one, so I pulled over on the side of the freeway and shot this pic. The freeway, by the way, is riiiiight behind me. And of course I had to take it one step further, and make her pose with the pelican.)

Once we arrived in Kemah, we visited a few local shops.

I like how they translated it for you in case you happen to be a pirate.

I'm Mexican, so I've seen a lot of beans in my life.

But this was my first encounter with lucky sea beans.

Between stores, we stopped for a couple of kodak moments.

(Me as a Mermaid.)

(Me as Popeye.)

(Me as The Green Fairy.)

As we left Kemah, we admired the boats and sea and the clear blue sky.

Sorry about the lack of posting/blogging lately. Blogger, as many of you will attest to, has been a royal pain in the ass lately. I couldn't post or even comment for the past week. I will begin my regularly scheduled blogging on Monday. Have a great weekend everyone!

Heard Around Town: Little Sister Edition

Krazy K strikes again..


[context: I was explaining to my mom and my little sister how the CEO knew the famous founder of Wendy's, the national burger chain.]

DaMasta: "Our CEO's kids grew up playing with Dave Thomas' kids!"

Krazy K: "Wow!! Matchbox 20?!"

DaMasta: "Dave Thomas, not Rob Thomas..."

Krazy K: "Oh."

-----------------------------------

[context: Krazy K is describing her new car, the 2007 Toyota Corolla, to me as we're walking around on the Kemah Boardwalk. Just then, a new black Corolla passes us on the street. Krazy K envies the sleek sophistication of the color black.]

Krazy K: "Dang! I knew it looked better in black!"

"So... gangsta."

------------------------------------

[context: I'm expressing my fear of walking around those big wooden poles that hold up power lines. According to public service announcements, power lines are dangerous. Krazy K, however, begs to differ.]

DaMasta: "Gah! I hate walking around those damn poles that hold up power lines."

Krazy K: "Why? It's not like we're in a .. thunderstorm.. or anything.."

DaMasta: "Power lines can kill you in daylight, too, ya know.."

Krazy K: "Uh.. don't they have medication for that?"

DaMasta: "For DEATH?!?!"

Krazy K: "Noo... for phobias."

DaMasta: "IT'S NOT A PHOBIA TO BE AFRAID OF POWER LINES! I'M TELLING YOU.. IF THE GOVERNMENT SAYS POWER LINES CAN KILL YOU, I'M SURE THEY CAN!"

...and stay out!

So there's a guy that I've mentioned before on my blog that I refer to as Happy Hour Dood. I met him little over a month ago, and we talk on the phone several times a week. He texts me good morning on my way to work, and texts me after work to meet him for dinner and drinks. We're not dating exclusively or anything like that. And we've never even so much as kissed.

He has a five year old boy. Which, at first, I didn't think anything of. My mentality about dating guys with kids is that maybe since they have kids already, they might not want anymore later in life. But what I didn't plan on is all the emotional baggage that comes with dating a single parent. Sure, he shares custody with the ex-wife, but I figured on the weekends he doesn't have the kid, we'd go out and have fun together. And even when he did have the kid, I thought we'd go see Ice Age or some other kiddy movie or such.

But damn, when he ignores me weekend after weekend because he's spending alone time with his kid, it makes me wonder. So, I text him, "why don't you call me on the weekends? you got better things to do?" [I can be direct, we aren't dating exclusively. Plus, with no physical ties, I can afford to question him in an accusing manner, without any caution of his feelings or mine.]

He replied to me, "My son is only 5. We've been hurt once, and I don't want it to happen again."

I sent him one more text, "That's great. You can avoid getting hurt by continuing to avoid me."

I know that was a little harsh, but I know myself by now. I know I'm too selfish to be second place. And I'm not a patient person. And I can't afford to put my feelings on the line for someone who's afraid to feel. I'm past that point in my life. I love deeply. A little too quickly sometimes, yes. But I'm not going to hold back because some dumbass in my past hurt my feelings.

I'm not sorry for sending that message. And I'm sorry for the way it probably will turn out between us. If he didn't want to 'feel', then I guess it wasn't a real connection to begin with.

Photo Attached

You make me feel like an un-natural woman Lol.. I just got my hair cut today. No, not one of them, all of them silly! I don't like to grow my hair out long [sorry boyz!], so I got it cut just at shoulder length. You can't really tell from this photo because they also straightened it. I know it's not a big deal to most people, but this is the only time my hair is ever straight. I don't have the patience to straighten my own hair, so I usually just have it done after a cut. Thus explaining my facination with my own avatar! And while it's straight, you can't judge the shortness of my hair, cause once I wash and style it curly again, the curls will shrink up another 2 to 3 inches! Yikes! So, 96% of the year, my hair is naturally curly, and only 4% of the year my hair is un-naturally straight.

Long weekend Today I'm not at work. Which is officially my first vacation day since I started this job in July of last year. Which also reminds me that my blog is almost a year old [I started it Aug of last year, a month after starting my job]. Most of my readers don't work in an office, but you corporate slaves out there like me can appreciate the long weekend! I'll be running errands today [exciting, no? but dammit, while everything is open during the week, I'm slaving away at work...] , but on Sunday I'll be headed to Kemah, Tx. It's a small little city on Galveston Bay where there's plenty of food, touristy shopping, ferris wheels, and alcoholic fun! If I take any pics [which is highly likely] I'll share with the class on Monday.

Time flies when you're getting old Congrats to my little sis as she graduates highschool and officially becomes an adul--- wait! what?! Holy hell! I didn't realize I was so old! My ''little'' sister graduated high school on Thursday, while I almost had a heart attack! We're about ten years apart, and I can't beleive how old I feel! Holy crap! Most people think I look about 21-23 [hell, I still get carded for cigarettes], but I'm actually 26, 27 this year. And when did my sister grow up?! Someone please tell me that she's still 12 years old! Hurry, before I start going thru my mid-life crisis!

Plz send msg again Ever try to argue over text messaging? LOL.. it's a bitch!! Somewhere between having a cramp in your thumb and three different messaging threads going, the other person's messages start getting chopped. And then, you have to stop arguing long enough to send a text message to that person saying, "Please send message again, it got chopped." Gee.. talk about putting a damper on an argument. "Now where was I.. oh yeah... YOU SUCK BECAUSE.. "

HNT: True Life: I'm not straight.

For years, I loathed my curly hair.

No one else in my family had curly hair.

Still to this day, my family jokes that I'm the mailman's kid.

But when my hair is acting right,

and the curls are curling juuust so..

I like my hair very very much.

I can go from playful..

to sexy..

to serious..

with just one look.

These days, I'm more comfortable with my hair.

Most times I wear it back, during work.

But you can see what happens on the weekend..

when I'm bored..

and there's a camera lying around.

------------------------

Go give his blog a second look: Creator of HNT.

Tag My Ass Tuesday

It's aboot that time again. It's Tag My Own Ass Tuesday. I got this survey/quiz/whatever the fark from Snav, who got it from Logo, and so on and so forth and so forth and so on.

Without further adieu..

1) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.

My dream encyclopedia, "Only you can decipher meaning within the myriad of images and emotions that come to you in your sleep.."

2) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can and see what you touch.

My purse. It's a berry colored Guess handbag.

3) What is the last thing you watched on TV?

The Gray's Anatomy finale that I dvr'd at my cousin's house. And let me tell you, it was - by far - the best fucking series finale e.v.e.r! I bawled my eyes out for a good fifteen minutes.

4) Without looking, guess what time it is.

4:38pm

5) Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

4:42pm. I knew it was close to 4:30. Brandon [bsoholic] just left work.

6) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

People mumbling in the halls, getting ready to leave work.

7) When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

At noon, I went to lunch. It was bright, sunny, hot and humid. Welcome to summer in Houston.

8) Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

Snavy's survey

9) What are you wearing?

Grey work pants, a black peasant shirt with white trim, and heels [of course].

10) Did you dream last night?

I didn't have any dreams. I tend not to when someone else is in my bed.

11) When did you last laugh?

A couple of minutes ago, before Brandon left work. We were talking about our imaginary rock band named French Alien Sex. We are planning to tour Amsterdam and live off Hot Pockets. I'll be the topless drummer, and he'll be on the guitar. Lmao... don't ask.

12) What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Plasma screen tv's and our company logo in huge metal letters.

13) Seen anything weird lately?

Other than ya'lls blogs?...lol.. no.

14) What do you think of this quiz?

It's ok, I guess. I wouldn't take it out on a second date or anything.

15) What is the last film you saw?

I watched "Bend it Like Beckham" Friday night, after which I couldn't stop talking with a British accent.

16) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

Amsterdam. For a certain someone. ;)

17) Tell us something about you that we don't know.

I have a visible birthmark. [Hurry.. go thru my archives and see if you can find it in any of my pics.. ]

18) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

I would reduce the amount of welfare given out.

19) Do you like to dance?

I absolutely LOOOOOVE to dance!! I'll dance anywhere! With anyone! Have you ever seen a Mexican chick do the robot??

20) George Bush

What about him? He's from Texas.

21) Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

Mini-me.

22) Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

Thomas Edward

23) Would you ever consider living abroad?

Yes. I would consider living in England, Spain, or Italy.

24) What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?

"That wasn't funny."

The bare minimum is a bore.

WARNING!! It's not like I have to put a warning on my own blog, but I'll do it anyways out of courtesy. This past weekend, I was coming off of pain killerz and I had ample time to reflect on the upcoming events in my life that I'm not particularly happy about. The last two posts here, including this one, reflect that.


My little sister graduates high school on Thursday morning.

I can't go. I'm already taking Friday off as a vacation day for myself. My boss came up to me and actually said, "Well [DaMasta], I don't know what we're going to do without you on Friday." Honestly, I don't know what she's going to do either, but I'm going to be sleeping in.

After I phoned my mom and told her I was unable to make the morning graduation ceremony, she even responded, "Eh. I mean really.. who wants to take off a morning just to see a graduation ceremony?"

That's true. Why the hell are we still having graduation ceremonies for high schools? At this day in age, we should be driving flying cars and commuting to work telepatheically and we should each have a robot slave at home cooking and cleaning for us. You know, just like the future movies from just twenty years ago where everyone's wearing silver jumpsuits and buying things with their thumb prints instead of credit cards.

Ok, so maybe the advancement in human kind has hit a plateau of sorts. But, if we're still celebrating the graduation of high school, what does this say about the educational advancement of society? I know my last post was about my failures in college, but isn't that why my parents had a second child? To do better? To not make the same mistakes? Or to correct the ones they made with me?

And it's not like we're a dumb family. Sure, my mother only has a high school education and my dad quit school mere months before his own high school graduation, but I think that reflects more on that decade and their individual circumstances. My dad now works at one of the largest engineering firms in the country, and my mother has succeeded for several decades as an industrial salesperson.

So, I don't understand the celebration of high school graduates. What are we trying to convey to them? That's it's a big accomplishment for them to finish the state mandated number of years a child should be educated? It's required. By the state. To graduate high school or get an equivalent GED [but the only ones who really get GEDs nowadays are crack head drop outs or girls who get pregnant their senior year.] I think it's utterly rediculous to congratulate someone on a job-the-state-requires-to-get-done. I think these days, teenagers are living too much like they're in college. Experimenting with drugs, tattoos, piercings, boyfriends/girlfriends, parties, sports.. It's getting a bit out of hand. My sister was in sports. She's not a natural [don't worry, I'm not being mean, it just doesn't run in the family]. My point is, she isn't in it for a scholarship, so why bother with it? And don't tell me that team sports help teens with grades and social skills and blah blah blah. Nope. She doesn't play a 'team' sport. And her grades haven't gone up. And her social skills?.. well, she IS my mother's child, afterall. Since she's been in high school, I've had to read about [from her blog] her losing her virginity, how she likes my parents only when they buy her things, about her getting an ear piercing that my mother paid for, and about how she plans on talking my mom into buying her a new laptop [no doubt so she can continue to berate my mother in her blog using the very computer my mother would have purchased her].

Teenagers should be worried about grades, credentials, community service, and how they are going to use all those to get into a good college and being successful in life. They can socialize in college. I hear study groups are fun.

My mother confirmed that my sister is getting a brand new car and a brand new laptop for her high school graduation gifts.

Why must we always reward the bare minimum?

The Most Terrible Awful No Good Very Bad Dream

The worst dream I can possibly imagine and most vividly remember is one where I'm going back to college [most times against my will].

I'm getting ready for class: I have my books, my supplies, my bag. My shoes are on, my hair looks great, I'm ready to go. One more glance in the mirror reveals a horrible sensation. I realize that I'm going to class and not to work. I frantically search for someone around me to explain to me what's going on. I had a job, I reason, an apartment, a car.. what happened? I was living on my own.. I was happy.. why was I back home? Holy shit.. why is all my stuff in boxes? Where's my apartment? This must be a mistake. I need to call my boss.. there's got to be a way they can hire me back. Take all these boxes back, take them back to my apartment..

I remember hating college. On a very deep level. Deep in my soul I hated it.

I wasn't a good test taker. I didn't read any college texts until my 3rd year. I relied mainly on my memory of the lectures, and on my keen ability to take good notes. That got me as far as my sophomore year. I had a solid GPA up until then. I always did have good marks in school. It wasn't academically challenging. Or was it? After my 2nd year, was is so challenging that it made me nervous? Anxious? I would desperately fear failure. I would choke on major exams, and worry about them all night and not study. I remember being overcome with grief and I withdrew myself into a small coed dorm room the size of a jail cell. I would avoid class in order to avoid responsibility. Avoiding responsibility made me lose focus and let class days drift away. I missed tests. I showed up for finals, only able to regurgitate hazy segments of classes attended. In truth, I missed home terribly. I was absent when family members were lost, and I had fallen ill during the last semester of college. After coming back to Houston for my final surgery, I decided that I didn't want to attend college any longer, and the decision to leave my then live-in boyfriend made everything final.

I left the University of Texas in Austin in 2001, and took an internship in Houston. I haven't stopped working since. I've gone back to school a couple of times, and failed due to anxiety. I don't tell people about my lack of desire to continue my education. I think they percieve it as a weakness. An outrage, even. I usually just tell them 'someday'. When I really mean 'never'.

And I haven't been back to Austin since.

Sick Daze

Hey everyone. Seems I've been gone for-ev-ah.

I've actually been out sick for the past two days with a nasty stomach virus. Barfing, diarrhea, fever, the works. [Sorry, did I ruin your breakfast? Well, now you know how I felt.] I'm not sure how I got it or even what happened [kinda hit me like a freight train], but I think it was going around. Benefits Chick's friend had the sickness the night we went to the Improv, and then Benefits Chick got it herself on Monday, and then BAM, it hit me on Wednesday morning.

I went to the doc and [this is why I hate docs] of course they did nothing except tell me what I already knew [I had a stomach virus]. This got me thinking.. I didn't have health insurance for two years and I never needed it once, and ever since I've had it for these past couple of months, I've used it waaay too many times.

Last time I went to the doc, it was after the March of Dimes walk, when I hurt my foot. They took x-rays, but of course nothing was wrong and it healed itself two days later.

Wednesday, when I went to the doc, they perscribed some mighty fine pain killers - which, when paired with Tylenol PM worked hella good wonders.

Being nocturnal and all, Chibby joined me in some much needed afternoon naps.

I'm all better now, but how can I be so sure? Oh, just check out the fabulous shoes I'm wearing today:

E for Easy Lover

So, I asked Snav to tag my ass, and this is what she came up with:

Comment on this entry and ask and I will give you a letter. Write ten words beginning with that letter in your blog, including an explanation of what the word means to you and why, and then pass out letters to those who want to play along.

My letter [for obvious reasons] is E. Here are my words:

Eclectic: As in, my taste in music, my taste in men, my driving habits, my moods, my bank account balance, my dance moves, my relationship with my mother, the way my curls lay on my head, and my underwear collection.

Enthusiastic: This is the mood expected of me everyday from 7:30am to 5:15. I work as a front lobby receptionist in the happiest fucking corporate office in Houston. I swear there's crack in the water. Every single one of the employees is bright, chipper, and high on life. It's exhausting, but let me tell you, it's better than working for grumpy assholes.

Everysinglefuckingday: Moreover, my boss walks in everyday with the same greeting: "Happy Monday!", "Happy Tuesday!", "Happy Wednesday!", "Happy Thursday!", "Happy Friday!".

Excel: My father is a perfectionist, my mother is a relentless bitch. Therefore, I've always excelled at tasks, particularly academics. In elementary school, I was in the SOAR program. In middle school, I was Gifted and Talented. In high school, I was in the Math Club [where I won a medal for some stoopid timed math test], Science Club [which I joined because the love-of-my-high-school-life was in the same club and also because I wanted to go to the Zoo during school hours], Business Professionals of America organization [where I won district in some fucking contest where I had to prioritize business tasks and complete them using either MS Word, Excel or Powerpoint]; I also graduated top 10% of my class with a 4.64 GPA. Surprisingly, I never got my ass kicked.

Erotica: People I know read this blog, so I'll just say: Just because I'm single, doesn't mean I don't get laid. I have a very healthy sex-life. Always have.

Ethniticity: I rarely talk about my heritage, because honestly, I don't know that much about it. My parents grew up in a time when speaking fluent Spanish was a disadvantage when it came to learning in school. Consequently, the only culture and language I know came from 9 years of Spanish classes. I can speak, read, and write Spanish. Ironic how native Spanish speakers are getting better jobs than I am. But for business purposes, I can pass for bi-lingual. I can sell anything in Spanish.

Erica: My name. People always spell it incorrectly. It means, "ever powerful."

Ears: My nervous habit is pulling on the lobes of my ears. It drives my mother absolutely crazy when I do it, but the only time I do it is when I'm around her. If we're in public and I start doing it, she will, without hesitation, slap my hand away from my ear.

Elope: If I ever do get married, this is how it's all going down: We'd fly to Vegas and get married at one of those drive-thru marriage joints. Then, we'd gamble away any money that we saved up for a traditional wedding. Later, back home, we'd throw a big party, where all our relatives and friends could shower us with gifts and best wishes.

Elephants: I went to the zoo one day with a friend when I was younger. We stopped by the elephant exhibit where a huge male was on display. I noticed something strange, so I pointed to the elephant and curiously asked, "Why does that elephant have 5 legs?" My friend replied, "Because that 5th leg is not a leg at all. It's his penis."

If you'd like to play along, just ask for a letter in my comments.

If money was no object..

I just found out how much I make a year.

I mean.. I know how much I make per HOUR, but I never really wanted to do the calculation.

Too depressing, I thought.

But really?

Meh.

Could be worse.

HNT: Sometimes you just need a little Chibby..

This is my rat Chibby Chibberson.

As a single gal in Houston, sometimes you just have to chill out

and remember the good things in life.

However small and furry they may be.

In the words of Madmeer,

Chibby doesn't care how big my boobs are

or how small my waist is,

and she always thinks I'm beautiful in the morning,

eye boogers and all.

In addition, she always thinks my outfits are fabulous,

and she never complains about my cooking.

She's always devinely groomed,

and sometimes licks me clean as well.

She'll never ask to change the channel,

and she'll never be a pillow-hog.

My breath can never be too stinky,

and she only falls asleep next to me.

In a world so crazy and hectic,

sometimes you just need a little Chibby.

See my hook-up: Osbasso is da man with da master plan.

Next Stop? Crazytown. Population: Me.

I don't have much to say today. [Well, maybe I do, we'll see how this post ends up].

I've been working my tail off at work [and by "working my tail off", I mean sometimes it gets busy at work and I have no time to blog or sometimes I'm waay too busy chatting with people online that I forget to blog or sometimes I get sleepy after lunch and just sit in a carb-induced daze for the last 4 hours of work and forget to blog]. Very soon though, I will start training in the Travel Dept and I'm guessing I will have actual job duties to perform, whereupon I will be forced to do actual work and my blogging will suffer greatly. Until then, I guess I should blog as much as I can.

I am still unlucky in love. I met this guy from an online dating site, and he turned out to be soo straight-laced I couldn't stand it. He was anti-drugs, anti-drinking, anti-smoking, the works. And since I'm pro-everything he wasn't, the connection didn't last long.

And now, there's Happy Hour dood. I met him at [duh] happy hour a few weeks ago at this local cajun joint near my house. He's pretty awesome. He makes me laugh, is very laid back, easy going, cute bod, fun-loving, that sort of thing. We talk nearly everyday, and we've been out three or four times now. Last night at dinner, however, he lays a big ass bomb on me by telling me that he's thinking about going to Iraq for a year so he can save up money for a house. In Austin. Either that, or just move to Austin altogether. And he's making this decision by the end of August. So, ya know, whatever.. I meet a decent guy, someone I can actually see myself dating exclusively, and he decides to up and move to a different city. Geez, was it my breath?

Last night, I had an hour and a half long conversation with my ex [and by "conversation", I mean it was mainly me venting and telling him off and him sputtering out the most offensive and vile responses that, in turn, made me want to reach thru the phone and rip his head off]. For some reason he thinks that if we get back together, he can be a better friend to me. Get this - he readily admits that he's not a good friend to me, but insists that it's just. because. we're not together. Yeah. Ok. What the fuck are YOU smokin, buddy? I told him, "Sure, I'm physically attracted to you, but sexual chemistry can only take you so far. I've been there, done that with you already. We tried to make it work in the past, and it didn't last. And now, nothing about being in a relationship with you sounds appealing if you can't even be a friend to me. The physical attraction thing worked when we were younger, but it's not going to satisfy me now. I want a *meaningful* relationship with a strong foundation of friendship."

At that moment, my phone ran out of battery, and we haven't spoken since.

Bsoholic and I still talk everyday during work. We've become great friends again, but sometimes, like today, I feel that we should be together. Maybe it's the weather, or maybe the Earth's gravational pull is tuggin on my heart strings a little more than usual. Either way, I'm grateful to have him as such a good listener and comforter and yes-man.

I mean, really, everyone needs a good yes-man.

Har Har Har..

Historical Fact About May 5th

Hellmann's Mayonnaise - Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as "Sinko de Mayo".

Happy Cinco de Mayo, everyone! Excuse me while I leave work to drink myself into a stupor.

Read more mexi-jokes by clicking.................here.

HNT: March of Dimes [aka This Post Sucks]

This past Sunday, my company had their annual March of Dimes event. If you remember, this was also my debut attempt to throw together a successful 'special event'. For the past two months or so, I've made countless numbers of Power Point presentations; I've stuffed Easter Eggs [which we sold as raffle tickets for kick ass prizes to raise money for M.O.D.]; I assembled and wrapped 56 Easter baskets [which we auctioned off to rasie money for M.O.D.]; I attended meetings upon meetings to organize the food menu and the rental tents, chairs, and tablecloths; I picked out the color of the t-shirts; I dropped off 298 t-shirts to the printing company and approved all charges and changes; I made instructions on how to get to the walk site and how to register and collect money online.......

After all this and more, I have to say that the walk was a great success!

We rasied in excess of $21,000! Which was a 33% increase from last year. Mission: completed! We had more than twice as many walkers registered, and more than three times as many people showed up for the actual event.

I wasn't actually prepared to walk the 5.5 miles around the Unversity of Houston campus, but it turned out that since our Captain showed up after all, I took the opportunity to walk it!

Before the race, a couple of co-workers and I visited a few booths around the walk site. And .. so.. um.. here I am posing with a piece of .. bread? LOL.. it was actually a campaign promoting bread! The sash the bread is wearing says "Bread is essential". I have them to thank for my tacobelly. My, how I look carbalicious in this photo..

[and yes, someone's big fat finger is in the middle of my wonderfee photo.. gee thanks.]

This is at the beginning of the walk. I was with a group of athletes, which should have set off a big warning in my head, but stoopidly, I kept up with them during the whole race. Notice how upbeat and playful I seem. This is Mile One. I'm doing the "L" loser sign with my finger on my forehead. We were displaying our wonderful sportsmanship with every team we passed on the way. LOL.. and it wasn't even a race! Boy, are we competitive!

[and yes, that is someone else's finger in my photo.. dammit, people, don't you know how to take a photo?!?]

During Mile Two, I must have stepped wrong, because I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my right foot. The pain was so bad that I contimplated lying down on the concrete and dying. But my pride wouldn't let me. I was walking with athletes, remember? So I jogged, walked, passed up other companies, and kept up with the group, just so I didn't lose face. Plus, if I would have stopped walking for just one minute, I wouldn't have been able to start up again at all!

This photo was taken at the end of Mile Five, with a few yards to go. See how my mood has drastically changed from "oh-boy-this-is-the-funest-thing-I-have-ever-done" to "get-out-of-my-farkin-way-before-I-literally-bite-yer-head-off-and-shove-it-where-the-sun-don't-shine"? The only thing sustaining me at this point was the ice cream sandwich in my right hand.

Hopefully tomorrow [when my camera phone charges back up], I'll be able to show you photos of my horrible injury. ;)

Happy HNT, everyone! For real HNT entries, visit Osbasso. He's got the good shit.

Who's that girl with the big 'ole booty?

It's DaMasta! It's DaMasta!

Well, woulda look at that. It's Tag My Own Ass Tuesday! Thanks Spinning Girl!

Yayyayayayay!! I tagged my own ass!! Yayayyaaa... uh.. *ahem*.. let's just get started, shall we?


What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Tons o cash in my pocket, drivin my Bently on Rodeo Drive, wind in my hair, and a Puertorican boy toy in the passenger seat.

What is your greatest fear?
Taco Bell going out of business. [But according to the movie Demolition Man, that'll never happen. Even more, Taco Bell will be the only remaining restaurant 20 years into the future. wOOt.]

What vehicles do you own?
Currently, I own a spoiled brat named Fuckus. He's a 2005 metallic light green Ford Focus SE 4 door sedan. My first car was a 1991 Ford Ranger, red with red interior [gag!] with an extended cab, complete with one [not two] fold down seat in the back. I've also owned a 1998 Chevy S-10, a 2000 Toyota Celica, a 2001 Harley Davidson Edition Ford F-150, a 2002 Chevy Blazer, and a 2004 Ford Escape.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Warming sex gel. That shit is expensive. [I prefer passion fruit flavor.]

What is your most unappealing habit?
I don't cook. And it's not only that I don't cook, it's that I don't keep food in my house. I don't have milk, eggs, bread, spices, frozen meat, rice, chicken, lunch meat, cheese, chips [or snacks of any kind], candy, goodies [not counting the 'goodies' in the bedroom], colas [or drinks of any kind], or alcohol [just so we're clear about not having anything to drink]. What I do have: mashed potatoes in a box and an emergency supply of mac and cheese.

What is your most treasured possession?
My mattress. I do more than sleep on there, ya know. It's big. It's expensive. And it's all mine. [And yes, even though I'm single, I do have a 'side' of the bed. It's the left side.]

Where would you like to live?
In a state of lust ever after.

What makes you depressed?
Failure.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My tacobelly. It plagues me how unsightly it is. And it's resistant to working-out. I think it's out to get me.

Who would play you in a movie of your life?
Claire Danes, cause she always has this space-out, retarded look on her face. And I think that best portrays how I am 87% of the time.

What is your favourite smell?
Boys with money. Or just boys. Or just money.

What is your favourite word?
Gina. [jigh-na]

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Relishing the moment when people realize that I was right and they were wrong. Oh, wait, I don't feel guilty when that happens. It makes me giggle.

What, or who, is the greatest love of your life?
What: Baseball games. Something about the ambiance of the stadium and the players and the seven dollar beer and the fake hot dogs... ahhhh.
Who: Bsoholic. We've been talking to each other every day non-stop for five months or so, and I haven't gotten tired of him onc--- twice.

What is your greatest regret?
I don't do regrets. They are a waste of my time and yours. Regrets lead to resentment leads to baggage. And no one wants to sit next to that person. Live for the good times and laugh everyday, even if it's at yourself.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
The winning lottery ticket.

What keeps you awake at night?
All the uncertainty that goes along with death. Will I stop thinking all together? Will I be like Sam in ghost and learn to move things and walk around? Will I be able to read people's minds? Will I ever know who truely loved me in the waking world?

What song would you like played at your funeral?
GAH! I JUST SAID I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT! [But if I had to choose, Fur Elise by Beethoven]

How would you like to be remembered?
As the love of your life.

Wake me up before you go go..

Lack of posting Sorry for the lack of posting as of late. I'm up to my eyebrows in work. This past weekend was the March of Dimes event that I had been working so hard on these past couple of months. In short, it was a blast! I have many pics and updates to share with you, but for now I'm going home and going straight to bed cause my body is rejecting the 5.5 miles I walked/jogged yesterday.

What the... ? Whoops! And of course, since I'm clumsy as hell, I hurt myself yesterday during the March of Dimes event. How lovely, how graceful. I have pics of this as well.

Alarms clocks are for to wake up Secret Lover Boy believes in snoozing eleven times before he gets his lazy ass out of bed. Eleven times!??!?! Holy hell, if I have to turn that damn alarm clock off one.. more.. frickin.. time.. GAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I smell like an 80 yr old No offense, T. Leach. Because of my msucle aches, I got bengay'ed by the massage dood at work. Plus - free massage. Minus - smelly old man lotion potion.

I got a promotion of sorts That's right. I'm movin up.. to the exciting world of Travel. Starting next Monday, I'll be training for three weeks to become a Travel Agent for our entire corporate office. I'll still be working up front, but when the head travel lady leaves on vacation or is out of the office for any reason, I'll be up to bat. What this means: more money, more perks, and more traveling! Oh, yeah.. that's right.. you can call me Agent Double-O E.