quesadillas for breakfast

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Friday, December 09, 2005

Today's Lunch Plans:
Lunch here with Hot Massage Guy, The Cuz, and some friends from work.

I forgot my rings again. And you know what happened last time I did that.

Today is not a good day to have a bad day. I have too much shit planned today. I have lunch plans. There's a sample sale here at the office. I have plans with my Ex tonight. I have a singing Christmas mouse on my desk. Things. Cannot. Go. Wrong.

Good morning, everybody. It's time for a little segment I call:
Welcome to My World.

-This is "Fuckus".
-He was born Jan 11, 2005.
-He is a small car with a big attitude.
-He has a Napoleon complex.
-He's got a manly scar on his bumper from when I tried to use him to stop a gate from closing. [Didn't work, by the way]
-He likes going to Taco Bell.
-He has a Jack Ball on his antenna.
-He is metallic.
-He hates it when I play Justin Timberlake [aka, Mr. J.T.]
-He almost lost an ear [side mirror] once.
-His windshield wipers are temperamental.
-I made him hang a Yankee Candle air freshner on his mirror cause sometimes he stinks.
-He tries to run over spawn all the time.
-He check to see if curbs are still there.
-He broke one of his fog lights when he got in a fight with a rock.
-He likes to race kids on bikes.
-He has a big trunk.
-He wants personalized plates that say: USUCK.
-He thinks he would be sexier if he was a truck.
-He giggles when I tell people that it's easy to drive cause his seats are high.
-He doesn't like Mr. Blinker cause he's too loud.
-He says cars with small tires can still get chicks.


His gnarly scar.

18 Comments:

Blogger bsoholic said...

LOL - Don't blame him with not liking Justin Timberlake!

My car is still sad because her radio got stolen a while back and I have yet to replace it.

Friday, December 09, 2005 7:10:00 AM  
Blogger snavy said...

OMG!! You are so freaking funny!!

My van actually lost an ear(passenger side mirror) during the tragic "the road is too narrow for two way traffic and this illegally parked Trail Blazer incident of 2003."

Friday, December 09, 2005 7:26:00 AM  
Blogger DaMasta said...

Bs, he really prefers Eminem. Sooommmetimes, he'll go for a little Selena, but he absolutely loathes Barenaked Ladies.

And how can you drive to work with no music?!?! It's the only way I make it thru rush hour traffic in the morning.

Snav, Fuckus has almost lost many a mirror. Especially when visiting The Cuz. She lives at an apartment complex that has one of those too-damn-close-to-the-pole-near-the-gate security dial boxes.

Friday, December 09, 2005 7:43:00 AM  
Blogger Cricketina said...

My old car tragically lost the driver's side ear when an orange construction barrel suddenly jumped out in the middle of the highway and bit her at 3 am one day.

You need to go check out Ariella's post from a day or two ago....it's in regards to Fluffy....

Friday, December 09, 2005 8:55:00 AM  
Blogger lime said...

my van has a bashed in ear, a crushed in front fender, a key scratch down the side. the poor girl has been through the war.

Friday, December 09, 2005 8:56:00 AM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Unfortunately, my Jeep has lost one of his fancy hub cap things, he misses it to this day! I lay 100% of the blame on my husband. LOL

Friday, December 09, 2005 9:05:00 AM  
Blogger Ariella said...

Damn girl, take it easy on that poor car!

Friday, December 09, 2005 9:13:00 AM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

And how can you drive to work with no music?!?!

I tend to sing songs aloud (poorly) that are stuck in my head or laugh about a joke that I've heard. All sorts of ways to keep entertained!

Friday, December 09, 2005 10:49:00 AM  
Blogger DaMasta said...

Cricketina, I feel ya sister. The damn curbs in Houston jump out all the time. Silly bastards, they're just cruisin' for a brusin'.

Lime, normally I'm a body shop fanatic. The minute my car has a scratch, I usually get it fixed. But Fuckus is an ass, so he gets treated like every other man in my life - leave the pieces for someone else to pick up.

Friday, December 09, 2005 11:57:00 AM  
Blogger lookingbusy said...

Who doesn't loath the BNL's?

If I ever get stuck in the same car as you, I'm driving...

Friday, December 09, 2005 12:14:00 PM  
Blogger DaMasta said...

I've never had a man drive my car.

Might be a good change of pace.

Friday, December 09, 2005 12:29:00 PM  
Blogger The Village Idiot said...

I am not posting a pic of my midlife crisis car.....

but i like his high seats

Friday, December 09, 2005 12:43:00 PM  
Blogger anika said...

I think Fuckus and Rafiki are friends. In fact, I'm certain they are.

Friday, December 09, 2005 1:26:00 PM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

I'm going around saying "hi" to everybody on my blog list today.

Hi Erica!

Friday, December 09, 2005 3:43:00 PM  
Blogger LBseahag said...

He's gnarly...but since he has a jack ball (hopefully the snowman) its all good...he looks better than mine...

Friday, December 09, 2005 9:38:00 PM  
Blogger Bobby said...

my car is pretty relaxed. as long as you don't try to drive too far, run low on gas, run the heat or ac, turn, use signals, or anything else you may do while driving.

Saturday, December 10, 2005 9:56:00 AM  
Blogger Breazy said...

Good post !

Saturday, December 10, 2005 6:05:00 PM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

Now that was funny.

Monday, December 12, 2005 4:39:00 AM  

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