Duties I perform each day because I have no Actual Duties to perform each day:

1. Water the fake plants to see if they'll grow.

2. Try to get out of Today's Duty: folding papers in half for the HR Dept.

3. Try to get all the vendors to wear name tags - so far 11 grown adults are walking around wearing name tags.

4. Try to figure out why the courier guy doesn't put gel in his white-boy fro.

5. Try to figure out why an annoying little gnat keeps flying up my nose.

6. Plot to kill annoying little gnat and his whole annoying little gnat family.

7. See if I can shop at another store online while working for a major dept store.

8. Try to figure out what the hell NFI stands for.

9. Start an online "Spiritual Journal" on Oprah.com.

10. Pretend to speak Mexican to the cooks so I can get an extra Enchilada at lunch.

11. Try to figure out how to gracefully eat four enchiladas in under thirty minutes.

12. Try to figure out which security camera is actually pointed at me.