quesadillas for breakfast

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Monday, July 31, 2006

Goings on.


When we last talked, I was reconnecting with an old classmate from high school named Michael.

He just got out of a long relationship. Fiance, rented house in a ritzy neighborhood, about to graduate college.

He was very upfront. We made out something good and then decided to spend some time apart. This was a mutual decision. I told him, call me in a few weeks, let me know what's going on. We obviously liked each other. Obviously.

Two weeks went by and he called me. He wanted to see me. I fell for it. A girl has her needs, right? Justify it all you want, it's still too soon. I slept with him that night.

And again a week later.

Only on Thursdays. Only when his week was over and he had some time to see me. Only on his terms. Regardless if I had to wake up early the next morning. I would drive. 60 miles north. 60 miles to see him. 60 miles of regret on the way home. And holy damn, my gas bill was outrageous last month.

Everytime I spoke with him he mentioned it feeling good to ''do his own thing.'' Yup. He would call me. He would text me. Yet. He wanted to ''do his own thing.''

Saturday night:

Michael: "I'm at work, and I feel like shit.''
Me: "Aw.. I'm sorry sweetie, are you sick?''
Michael: ''I don't know. It sure feels that way.''
Me: ''Well, call me when you get off work if you need anything. I'll bring you whatever.. meds, soup.. just let me know.''

I heard nothing from him until he got off work. And then he called me.

"Hey Erica.. I just got off work.. I took a shower, I feel much better now.''
''Good! I'm glad.. so what are you going to do tonight?''
"Oh, you know.. stay at the house.. do my own thing..''
''Oh really? Hmm.. maybe I should do my own thing too.''
''Yeah, that would probably be best.''
''Yeah, I think I should just leave you alone..''
''Right. Before we go any further.''
"Well, I don't know how we can go any further.. but.. yeah.. whatever.."
''Ok, I'll call you tomorrow.''

Two days later and I haven't heard anything. I think it's pretty much done.

Later that night, my ex called me and asked if he could come over. He was on his way back from a fishing trip and my apartment was on his way home. So I said sure. Yeeeah. Bad decision on my part. Nothing happened, I fell asleep on the couch and he fell asleep on the floor and he left around 2am. But when he was at the door leaving, he paused... like he wanted to kiss me or something.. I just said go ahead and open the door.. like I didn't know what he wanted. He left. The next day he called me and said he loved me. I shuddered at the thought.

I liked him a long time ago. A time before high school. Nearly 13 years ago. The day for him and I has passed.

I pulled up a number that I hadn't used in a while.. this guy named Keith that I met at a happy hour about a month ago. We talked, I visited with him for a little while the other night. He was excited to see me. I thought.. ok, cool. Yeah... no. He texted me the first night at 4am, the second night at 2am. Finally I said.. I'm not a hooker or your booty call, so what's the deal with texting me in the middle of the night?! I got an apology minutes later, but I wasn't satisfied with that.

Also, I'm completely in love with Brandon, and I wish he wanted me forever. And then I feel like an ass for wanting that because he has a girlfriend. It kills me.

I want what I can't have. I feel so alone even when surrounded by friends. No matter who calls me, I want it to be someone else. I feel so defeated. Such a failure.

Damn the life of a single girl.

Friday, July 28, 2006

It happened again. Like it always does.

I have a lot on my mind these days. I'll explain it all another time, because, like always, I'm in a hurry. I'm ready to leave this city, I'm ready to get married, I'm ready to start my new job, I'm ready to cut my losses, I'm ready to cry all night long, I'm ready to keep living in denial, I'm ready to stay right where I'm at.

It happened again last night. The sky turned purple and the clouds rolled by without noticing the world below it.

I-45 North near Spring, Tx.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Spinning dreams, purple nights.

Last night, I walked out of my parents' house at 8:45pm
and it was bright as day.

As I looked up at the sky,

I saw a beautiful purple hue sweeping across the clouds.

It was amazing. You can see below a picture of the sky at around 8:45pm.

It is still light as day (as seen above),

but the camera was only picking up light from the sky.

Even my cousin on the opposite side of town

took the time to capture a picture.

From her camera phone:

As I stood in awe, staring at the colors above,

I only had one thing on my mind.

In a world spinning out of control,

there are still moments where I forget about it all.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

This may or may not be a sucky post.

Ok, this blog is inspired by the very best writer I may or may not know.

This weekend I may or may not have realized that I may or may not be in love with the very best man in the whole wide world who is also my best friend who is also lightyears [ok, actually a state and a half] away and who is also currently unavailable [aren't they all].

Also, I may or may not be totally fed up with a certain someone who keeps filling my head with reasons why he may or may not be interested in dating me all the while calling us ''just friends'' and all the while blowin up my celly every day.

So, can anyone explain boys to me again... I don't think I took notes that day in class.

Also, I may or may not have seen Superman this weekend due to it raining so bad and also because I thought it was showing in Galveston, but I ended up being oh so very wrong. I may or may not see it at the Edwards Marque theater later on this weekend.

Also, I may or may not have gotten a very cool phone call from a very cool friend and her boyfriend while they are vacationing in Seattle. I'm telling you, people, I'm not the only funny person in the world.. there are much funnier people than me who may or may not be vacationing in Seattle right now. I can't wait till she gets back so we can catch up!

Finally, I may or may not have gotten seriously fugged up last night and I may or may not be really paying for it today. Gah.

Friday, July 21, 2006

We look like tourists.

Ok, so here's a pic of me and mah boyz at our favorite mexifood lunch spot, Escalante's at Meyerland.

There's Bennifer [the dood on the left standing by me], there's me [I'm the only ''me'' in the pic], and there's John [the dood posing (wtf?) in the chair]

Bennifer you might remember as ''Married IT Dood'' and John you might remember as "DJ Stoopid''. Yup. That's us.

Ok, and here's the version that my best good friend Bsoholic made in his neat little photoshop program. Thanks, hun.. yeah..we needed that.. :P

Hey, this would make a kick ass christmas card.

Have a great weekend everyone. I hope you enjoyed ze photos. Mwuah!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

HNT: I'm too sexy for my tank.

I'm loud, I'm charming, I'm witty,

I'm over-dramatic, I'm callous,

I'm contradicting, I'm lovely to be around,

I'm the life of the party, I'm reserved,

I'm clever, I'm utterly comical,

I'm sexy, I'm facinating, I'm flirtatious,

I'm never daring, I'm always instigating..

And that's only when I'm drunk..
Let me know what you think about me here: Johari/Nohari

Join the after-party: Osbasso's pad.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

5 Things

Ok, I'm doing this survey because it's all the fad. Don't believe me? Look here and here. They tagged me, by the way... they just didn't know it.

And since I have no idea what the hell is in my purse, let me dig into my drawer and get it out.. along with my wallet... Ok, let's get started:

5 Things always in my purse:
1. My time card on a shoelace.
2. Gum of some sort.
3. Keys to my Fuckus.
4. A bag full 'o' makeup. [Bare Escentuals, in case you're wondering.]
5. Lip gloss [Bath and body works, in case you're wondering.]

5 Things always in my wallet:
1. My employee discount card to [XYZ Fashion] Department stores.
2. Brandon's address.
3. A card from my mom that has a poem on it entitled ''Don't Quit''.
4. A note written by an ex-coworker of mine when she was ''pretending'' to be this cute dood I had a crush on.. she wrote it just to make me feel good.. it says "hi babe, would you like to go on a date with me? <3, cute dood.

5 Things always in my refrigerator:
1. Bad milk [I hate grocery shopping. Let's get that over with from the beginning of this list.]
2. Butter [For to make smashed potatoes with.]
3. Kraft Finely Shredded Cheese with 2% milk [For to sprinkle on my tacos.]
4. Sugar Free Red Bull [For to cure hangovers.]
5. Something unidentifiable <----I think we can all identify with that one, Lime.

5 Things always in my closet:
1. My one suitcase. And within it, seven duffle bags.
2. Shoes: sandals, heels, flip flops, one pair of black boots, several brown shoes, one pair of tennis shoes, Doc sandals, heels, boat shoes [even though I don't own a boat], and dressy shoes.
3. Laundry baskets. One regular, one pop up kind.
4. One belt. I'm fat. I don't wear belts.
5. My winter and my summer clothes. Shorts, jeans, long sleeves, short sleeves, coats, sweaters, tanks, slacks, capris, dresses... in no particular order.

5 Things always in my car:
1. My gym membership card. So I never have to stumble around at 4:40am looking for it.
2. Coins. In the most random places.
3. My iGrip. Not for the iPod I don't have. For the cell phone I do have.
4. A spare tire. I've had more flats this year than I'd wish on my worst enemy.
5. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is in my glove box.

5 (or more) Things always on my desk:
1. A microphone that doesn't work that goes to the paging system we don't have.
2. My computer screen on and my gmail chat up.
3. Of course what kind of receptionist would I be without a phone?
4. My Tervis Tumbler. It keeps cold cold and hot hot and doesn't sweat.
5. A thank you note from my boss's boss.
6. A list of people who annoy me. I mean.. a company phone list.
7. My ''high maintenance fund'' jar.
8. A mirror. For to look at me.
9. The massage schedule.

In the meantime..

Ok, while I'm working on my ''5 things'' post, indulge me a little if you will..

I had an easy enough time filling out the ''good'' things about myself.. but the ''bad'' part was considerably harder. And not because I can't think of anything bad about myself, but quite the opposite.. I couldn't choose more than six things.

Well, maybe you can do better than I did.
Please do this. I can take it. I promise.

Be mean here.
Then make it up to me and be nice here.

Do it, I say.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Cankles and wine and hangovers, oh my!

This weekend was another filled with
wine, friends, and fun.

And it was at this wine party on Saturday
that I learned a new word:
Cankles: the absense of a definite seperation between your calves and ankles.

In other words, one fluid, yet less desirable, muscle shape that
extends from the back of your knee to the back of your ankle.

So, of course, I'm curious to know if I posess such
an unsightly body part.
For comparision, here are two pictures of my [hopefully seperate] calf and ankle.

You be the judge:

Well, whatever it is, I hope you like my shoes.

Those are my most favorite party shoes. [read: they make me tall]

Also, I absolutely love how you can see into my bathroom from this picture angle.

Great. That's lovely.

I hope you guys have a better morning than I am I having right now.

I was hungover yesterday, took a four hour nap, went to sleep at midnight, and still woke up at 4:40am to go to the gym. I'm so tired right now that it feels like I'm dreaming.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Ask DaMasta

The always lovely Snavylyn has written me some fine questions for me today. I love interviews because, well.. honestly... I like talking about myself. And before you gasp in disbelief, isn't the purpose of a blog to talk about yourself? Hmm?? Yup. Thought so.

Ok, then.. here we go..

[ OH.. and feel free to ask me questions as well. Just leave them in my comments. Anything at all. Anything. At all. Just ask. ]

1. Do you think giving pets as gifts is a good idea and why? Umm.. yeah... no. I don't think giving a pet of any kind is ever a good idea. I don't care if it's a fucking goldfish. It might be a goldfish that someone doesn't want. People are so picky about pets and buying or adopting a pet is a very personal thing and it should take a considerable amount of time to pick one out.

OH.. and if you're living with a psycho in.. hmm.. let's say.. Tennessee and you're thinking about dumping her but every time you do, she pulls you back in with her tears and lies and deceit, then yeah.. buying her a pet as a gift is definitely NOT a good idea. Not that I know anyone like that.. I'm jussayin'..

2. You always write about "secret lover boy". How did you meet him and develop into "friends with benefits"? In January of last year, I moved into my grandmother's house while I attended college part time and worked part time. My uncle and aunt live two houses down and would frequently have friends over for BBQ's and such. Yeah, so, Secret Lover Boy was a son of a friend of my uncle's and a frequent visitor to these get togethers. Well, one night, in a drunken stooper, I tried to seduce Secret Lover Boy while he walked me home [yes, two doors down, but I swear I couldn't stand because of all the liquor ;) ] but he politely refused to make out with me because he didn't want to upset my grandmother or any other member of my family. [Yeah, so I guess I wasn't supposed to fraternize with my uncle's friend's son because I was just a young girl.. and SLB was 11 years older than me. Oop.]

So, I guess long story short: he gave me his number, we got together once I got my own place, and since he's an ass who doesn't want a "girlfriend" and the sex is so good, we've become friends with benefits. LOL. It's not a particularly glamorous story, but that's life.

We've had our ups and downs and he's broken my heart once or twice, but we always end up together again. I call him my place holder, and I honestly, I haven't had sex with anyone else other than him in the year and a half that we've been "together".

3. Where did the name Damasta come from? Ha. Uh.. honestly, when I was younger [read: in high school], I used to walk around the house on my birthday yelling: CELEBRATE MY BIRTH! I AM DA MASTA OF DA UNIVERSE!.. *sigh*.. I had issues.

4. Rats? How, when and why did this become the ideal pet? A few years ago, around 2002, my friend Anna, the animal trainer, was working at the Houston Zoo and she was taking this class on how to train animals and they told everyone in the class to get a rat to practice on.

After the class was over, Anna had this big beautiful and gentle Agouti rat named Juno, with really no place to keep her. Since I had just gotten my apartment in Clear Lake and was looking for a pet to liven up the place, she gave Juno to me and told me all about rats and how great of a pet they were and so on. So now I had this big huge rat that could do tricks like scratch her leg on command, turn around in a circle on command and touch targets on command.

Soon after, I joined Yahoo Ratlist and learned so much about keeping rats and what to feed them and how social and wonderful they were and I also read about how it's not really good to keep just one, so that's when I bought Quesa Dilla, my beige and white hooded rat.

I've had several rats over the years, probably around 8 or so, but right now I only have Chibby Chibberson.. who is a blue hooded rattie who comes when I call her and loves to sleep on me.

For more info about rats, just in case you're interested.. visit www.dapper.com.au I know Robyn from Yahoo ratlist and she has only the finest most beautiful rats ever!

5. Being from Texas, do you hold yourself somewhat responsible for the whole Bush fiasco? Ha. No. I never once voted for him while he was in Texas. Maybe because I wasn't old enough or maybe because I didn't care enough about politics. And I've never voted for him in a presidental election for the same reasons. But I wouldn't call it a fiasco. I mean really, he's the leader of the free world at a time of war. I wouldn't wish that position on my worst enemy.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Today, I went to the Aquarium Downtown, where my friend Anna works as an animal trainer. She let me feed one of the white tigers she works with named Nero! And as you can see, I didn't feed him with my hands, but rather put meat on a stick and put it in his cage. I wanted to put the stick up high because I wanted to see how big his paws were!! And holy damn was he gi-normous! O_O

The trainers never ever go in the cages, for obvious reasons, so they train them thru the cage bars. There's a line on the ground that tells you how close you CAN get to the cage, but after the feeding, I was actually allowed to put my hand against the bars while the tiger rubbed his face against the cage. It was so frickin awesome and horrifying at the same time! I was excited and scared shitless. This was such a massively strong and beautiful animal and I was just honored to even be petting it.

Anna then took be for more "behind the scenes" action and I saw a 20 ft python, baby sting rays, a chinese aligator, and pihranas. It was so awesome to see her in her element and it just blows my mind that Anna can train just about any animal that she wants. She says it's all control and conditioning.

Hmmm..wonder if it works on boys...

Friday, July 07, 2006

this is an audio post - click to play

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Yeah, so I'm cranky. What of it?

Yeah, so this dood said he wouldn't go out with me cause I gossip too much. I said, it's not like I gossip about other people, I gossip about myself. I guess he souldn't read my blog, huh?

Also, he said I was high maintenance. Yeaaaah. Cause ya know, I live off other people's money and I buy atleast one Coach purse a week. What? What do you mean you saw me at the Payless half price sale? I swear that wasn't me..

If you haven't heard these stories, or maybe you want to see what I've been up to, please visit me at www.myspace.com/quesadillasforbreakfast. Everyone's doing it. Might as well be you too.

Brandon was gone for almost a week, and I missed him terribly. I thought I was on a nice good friendship level with him, and then I dreamt about him the other night. Yep. We made out something good. Gah.

OH, and let's not forget that the new dood I was talking to turned out to be a snob and basically told me that he didn't like feeling "obligated" to call me everyday [even though it was *he* who did the calling everyday during Cali] and that he thought it best that he make friends on *his* side of town. Oh, he lives in The Woodlands, which is a rich-y side of Houston and the ONLY reason he even lives there is because he was engaged to a chick who leased the house and completely furnished it herself. He didn't pay a penny. And now all of a sudden, he's a snob? Yeah. Right. Suck my nuts, asshole.

OH, and yes, I know my stoopid web page is farked up because I put those ginormous photos on there, but if blogger would stop being a fucking prick and let me upload photos, maybe I wouldn't have to host them and post big ass photos here.

I need a boyfriend. I hate taking out the trash myself.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Complete from A to Z.

Available: Devastatingly
Age: 26 going on 40
Annoyance: Being embarrassed in public, bad hair days, slow cars in the fast lane, working on days before holidays, not being famous, soggy french fries, rude customers, ungrateful people, and banana flavored candy.

Best Friend: I'd have to go with Brandon on this one.
Beer: I prefer Ambers, Shiner Light, Michelob Ultra, Corona, MGD Light, BJ's Brewery's Red.
Birthday: December 27th

Crush: Cute vendor dood
Car: 2005 Ford Fuckus.
Candy: I prefer cheesecake.

Day or night: Day for dreaming, night for playing.
Dream Car: Limo [driver included, of course.]
Dog Or Cat: Either, I'm pretty much an animal lover. But rats are much easier to care for.

Easiest person to talk to: I'll talk to anyone as long as they listen.
Eggs: Scrambled.
Email: erica.supafly@gmail.com

Favorite Month: December. The warm clothes, the hot chocolate, space heaters, seeing your hot breath on the cold air, busy shopping malls, family gatherings, my birthday, jingling bells. And yes, I love Christmas songs.
Favorite color: Pink, black, anything pink or black that sparkles.
Favorite Memory: Wow. I can't pick just one. Traveling is always fun. I certainly had a blast going to see Kenneth graduate in Rolla, MO with Anna.

Gummy Bears or Worms: Sour worms.
Giver or taker: Giver, to my dimise.
Gum: Never cinnamon or spearmint or juicyfruit. Orbit White Bubblemint is good.

Hair Color: Deep brown.
Height: 5'5''
Happy: takes a lot more effort than anger, but it's worth it.

Ice Cream: Cookies N Cream
Instrument: Clarinet and air drums.
Idol: American

Jewelry: Silver mostly. Almost never a watch.
Jail: Nope. And don't call me to bail yer azz out, either.

Kids: Can you imagine the horror?
Kickboxing or Finger Painting: My paintings hang in my living room. I sure am better at kickboxing, though. I have a killer right hook.

Longest Car Ride: I recently drove to California, but we did it in two days. So, while technically it was longer because it took more days, I'd have to say that driving straight through California in 2000 was the longest car ride *ever*. Nonstop 26 hours worth of driving in a two seater with my boyfriend and a Pink cd.
Longest relationship: The afore mentioned boyfriend holds the record at two years.
Last Kiss: Secret Lover Boy, yesterday. A 'friend' with 'benefits'.

Milk flavor: Chocolate and never ever strawberry.
Most missed person (s): My great uncle.
Movie Last Watched: 8 below. Suuuuuuuuucked.

Number of Siblings: One younger sister.
Number of Tattoos: None. Low pain tolerence + chronic indecisiveness = no tattoos.
Name: Erica. But you can call me Erica.

One wish: For something tall, dark, and handsome.
One Phobia: Coming to work with no pants on.
One regret: Coming to work with no pants on.

Pet Peeves: Men with no manners.
Part of your appearance you like best: My calves.
Part of your Personality you like best: My humor.

Quick or Slow: Slow thinking, quick talking. Not a good combo, btw.

Reason to smile: My job, my apartment, my car, my friends
Reality TV Show: My Fair Brady
Reason to cry: Someone poking me in the eye.

Song Last Heard: Crazy by Gnarls Barkley. I hate that song.
Season: Fall, a week before Winter.
Shoe: Anything with a heel. [read: anything that can make me taller.]

Time you woke: 6:10am
Time Now: 11:48am
Time for bed: 9pm. Anything after that and I'm cranky the next day.

U love someone: Of course.
Unpredictable: Unfortunately, I'm not. I'm a planner. And I always order the same thing at my favorite restaurants.

Vegetable you hate: Spinich. Tastes like someone already did the chewing for me.
Virgin: Not my margaritas or my men.
Vacation spot: I'd like to plan a trip to Spain later this year.

Worst Habits: Forgetfulness, procrastination, not seperating my lights and darks.

X-Rated Porn: Um. No?

Year you were born: 1979
Year it is now: Wait..wait... I know this one...
Yellow: sun.

Zoo Animal: I have a fit if we don't stop by the elephants.
Zodiac: Crapricorn.