Today's Cafeteria Menu:
Me on a stick.

As everyone knows, the busiest shopping day of the year occurred right after Thanksgiving. Normally, I r-e-f-u-s-e to be a part of the madness [ya know, with all the stoopid people cutting in line and all], but this year I couldn't resist. Hey, they had $10 fleece shirts at Old Navy. So, drugged, stuffed, and alcoholed-up, I went around town shopping my little evil heart out....

Heard Around Town [drugged, stuffed, and alcoholed-up Edition]:

The first store we stop at, I realized I had the munchies. "Hey look, they have cock-ie dough flavor candies." I have never laughed so hard in my entire life.

Looking thru the Thanksgiving Day circulars, I came across a really good sale at one of my favorite stores. "Hey, we should go here, they have a lot of crack on sale." I meant to say crap, crap on sale. But crack would have been nice, too.

We decided to take a lunch break at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. When The Cuz's husband got his food, he looked at me and said, "Hey, you want a bite of my big burrito?"

I replied to the above statement, "I don't care how big you think it is, I do not want a bite of your burrito."

Today is Office Supply Wednesday. Here are my fish-free office supplies:

Another holiday tradition is

loading up the family

and going to a sports event of some sort.

This past weekend's event: Texans vs. Rams [football]

The journey began on Sunday morning. I was riding in the back seat with my sis, and my parents were up front. The last time I was in the back seat of a car, I was nineteen and it was the ride of my boyfriend's life.

Pop Quiz: The Houston Texans play in which arena? The Astrodome [front right] or the Reliant Stadium [back left]?

If you answered The Astrodome, well, you're wrong. But we had such bad parking spots that we had to walk half a mile from the back of the Astrodome to the front of Reliant Stadium.

The joke of the day was made by my dad [You think I'm funny? I learned from the best.] When asked why he was wearing number 52's jersey, he replied, "It's not my fault they put the Wong name on the back."

My favorite part of the trip was waiting in line to get frisked. Twice.

What's a trip to a Texans game without the time-honored Mexican tradition of tailgating? The Mexican side of my family parties like it's 1999.* Hey, the "short" bus never looked so good.

Here's the view from the Party Bus. It's the Training Bubble where the Texans ... um, train. Reliant is to the right in the background.

Wait. What game are we at again? [Texans jersey on left. Astros jersey on right.]

As I settle into my seat, I realize I might not have the best view... Hey, buddy.. sit yer ass down! Don't make come over there!

Holy Texans pep band, Batman! Those guys have some nice brass! Beat it, baby, beat it harder!

I don't know what game these two thought they were watching, but neither the Stealers nor the Colts were playing that day.

We were leading the whole game. At the end of the third quarter we were up 24-3. With 45 seconds left in the game, the Rams tie us and take it into overtime. One touchdown and a legal formation later, we lose. Ah, well... what can you expect: that's why we're the Texans.

The holidays make me all nostalgic..

This is me, I'm guessing, around two or three years old...

I actually have no idea when this was taken, but darn it, aren't I cute?

Even with the bad news, Turkey Day 2005 went off without too, too, many hitches...

It began around 10:45 am.

Oop. I already rang the doorbell.

There's no turning back now.

It was sunny and bright.

A hot and humid 80 degrees outside.

Luckily, I was inside all day long.

The perfect ingredient to a perfect Thanksgiving dinner - your very own Mexican/Italian cook...

...but it's a shame we weren't having Mexican or Italian food...

Somewhere around Rootbeer:thirty I sat at the table anxiously awaiting the carving of the turkey...

...and the carving of all the other food, for that matter...

Ah, the turkey in all its glory...

See the ham?

It's my grandma in the background trying to be in the picture...

MmmMM...all the essentials...

Turkey, smashed potatoes, and a roll....

Hey, can someone pass the rootbeer?

Krazy K's shirt said it all....it was feeding time.

Which reminds me, I had squares on the UT/A&M game..

the pot was $100 per quarter...wonder if I won anything...

Heh...I said pot...

Four bottles of rootbeer,

one mangled piece of ham,

and two tiny salt & pepper shakers later... the feast was over.

Poor bastard never stood a chance...

He's lucky he wasn't the smoked turkey my uncle cooked...

...we de-boned that sucker before anyone even sat down for dinner...

With nothing left to do, [and after watching The Grinch four times in a row], we were left watching the dog lick her own nose...

Look at me, I'm a dog, and I can lick my own nose...la la la la..

Overall, Thanksgiving was a hit. Everyone that was invited showed up, people that weren't invited showed up, my mom's devil horns only came out twice, my dad was there to carve the turkey, krazy K was chipper and sisterly, the dog was dumb, I was funny and charming.... seems all's well that ends well...

Quesa died.

New post below this one.....

Thankful

I am thankful for all the bloggers here
I am thankful that my parents live so near.

I am thankful that the Astros made it far
I am thankful for my non-gas-guzzling car.

I am thankful for turkey and mashed potatoes
I am thankful for salads with no tomatoes.

I am thankful for all my new pairs of heels
I am thankful for cute sea cows and seals.

I am thankful for my new receptionist gig
I am thankful for a “good” fat cig

I am thankful for burritos at Taco Bell
I am thankful my armpits don’t smell.

I am thankful for hairspray and mouse
I am thankful my pants still fit me loose.

I am thankful I’ve lived in five cities
I am thankful I have perky little titties.

I am thankful for Quesa, my only rat
I am thankful my paycheck is so fat.

I am thankful that gas is getting cheaper
I am thankful I am starting to love a little deeper.

I am thankful that weed in CO just got legal
I am thankful for my favorite bird – the seagull.

I am thankful for all who read my site
Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good night.

Today is Wednesday, November 23rd.

Today's Cafeteria Menu:
I have no clue. All I know is that they're not cooking a fucking turkey. Is it soooo much to ask? What the fuck? No turkey? The day before Thanksgiving? Dammit.

Today is Office Supply Wednesday! Get out your fish-free office supplies and snap a pic. Come 'on. For me? Ok, I'll go first.

This is my perrrtty pink pop-up post-it note thingy.


I fuggin' love it.


I made a special trip to Office Max just to get it.


The fucker cost $13.99.


And worth every penny.






This is the Microphone behind my computer.

It goes to the paging system we don't have.

I don't know how to use it.

I didn't even realize it was there until someone upstairs in the Exec offices asked me if I knew how to use the pager on my desk.

I was like, "What pager?"

That pager.


In other news, two more weeks till Party Whore is gone. She will be stanking up Cali-forn-i-a from now on [sorry Jinxy].

I will post my HNT pics today before I leave work. The sweet and hugable Os has agreed to announce my post on his blog this evening. Please come by and leave a comment. [I'm such a comment whore.]

Everybody be cool.

Today's Cafeteria Menu:
Fajita Tacos
Spanish Rice
A la Charra Beans

I've eaten so much Mexican food this weekend, I'm about to turn into a burrito. But, hey, who am I to turn down fajita tacos. Maybe if I talk Mexican to the cooks, they'll let me taste their salsa.

Look, it's "Tagged My Own Ass" Monday.

[I got this from Jinxy's site]

What were you doing ten years ago?
Making out with every cute Tuba player I could get my hands on.

What were you doing one year ago?
Managing a Nextel store next to Compaq Center [now known as Lakewood Church].

What were you doing yesterday?
Making out with Secret Lover Boy in my Ford Fuckus.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Peppermint Patties
2. Burritos
3. Sweetarts
4. Movie Theater flavored microwave popcorn
5. Cute boys

Five songs to which you know all the words:
1. Gettin' Jiggy Wit It - Will Smith
2. Baby I'm Back - Baby Bash
3. My Humps - Black Eyed Peas
4. Bidi Bidi Bom Bom - Selena
5. Will the Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up? - Eminem

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Buy some furniture - like an ottomon
2. Buy a green dress, but not a real green dress - that's cruel
3. Buy a llama or an emu
4. Buy more Kraft dinners
5. Buy your love

Five bad habits:
1. I laugh too loud at inappropriate things.
2. I rub my ear when I'm nervous.
3. I sleep with clothes on.
4. Sometimes I puff, puff, hold and forget to pass.
5. I cuss like a sailor, even around kids.

Five things you like doing:
1. Laughing out loud at inappropriate things.
2. Getting presents in the mail.
3. Making out with cute boys in my Ford Fuckus.
4. Proving people wrong.
5. Making people laugh.

Five things you would never wear again:
1. White leather Keds
2. A tongue ring
3. A wool sweater
4. Bangs
5. Stirrup pants

Five favorite toys:
1. Cute boys
2. My celly
3. My flat screen tv/vcr/dvd player
4. My toaster oven
5. My fingers

TGIMFF!!

Today's Cafeteria Menu:
Red beans and Rice
Snasages
Salad

Top 5 Things Quesa Loves about the weekend:

1. Her weekly trip to Petsmart to check out the hot boy rats near the ferrets.

2. Sleeping all day AND all night.

3. Stashing my empty beer cans.

4. Seeing how many dollar bills she can find in my purse and chew up into a million pieces.

5. Chewing up my "good" cigarettes.

Since I've been spending time at The Cuz's house, I've had a chance to catch up on a lotta TV watchin'. Here are my reviews:

House, M.D. - This is a grand little show. The Cuz introduced me to this one last week. And I just watched my second episode last night. It's great! I heart Dr. House. He's a smart ass, tall, scruffy, funny, mean, and medium cute. The show works like a medical edition of CSI. Someone comes in with unexplained symtoms, and House's crew works around the clock until the pieces fit and they have a diagnosis. I studied microbiology at the University of Texas for three years, so this show really intrigues me.

Medium - Ugh. The Cuz didn't introduce this to me so much as glue my eye balls to the TV screen. This was a horrible show. I can't tell you how much I hated it. Wait, yes I can. From what I gathered, it's about this clairvoyant detective that has nightmares about killers and blood and crimes that may or may not happen in the future. And these dreams and visions involve people that may or may not be involved in the crime that may or may not be stopped by the clairvoyant detective and her trusty partner. It's all very exhausting, and not very fullfilling. Must be what her husband character feels like because he is constantly being awaken at night due to her nightmares and probably doesn't get any "lovin'" due to her nightmares as well.

The Amazing Race: Family Edition - Survivor sucks. This show rules. I was hooked on the first season and every year they out do themselves. It's like when the Real World first started out and they were only shooting seasons in America and then as the years went by, they started shooting exotic locations. This year they added a twist: put four family members together and let the comedy [and fist fights] ensue. It's very entertaining. I just sit there daydreaming about what it would be like if my family and I went on that show and tried to compete in a race around the world. Damn. Shoot me now.

Gilmore Girls - I am so angry that I like this show. That I have to stop everything and watch it. I am even embarassed to say that I watch it at all, let alone religiously. And it just started with this season. Things are finally getting interesting. Luke and Lorelai are engaged. Luke may or may not have a daughter he's never met. Rory quit college and now she's fighting with her mom and her grandma. But wait, now she made up with her mom, but not her grandma. And Lorelai's baby's daddy has started calling the house, and now Luke's upset. And now they might not even get married. Ack! I can't wait till next week!

Today's Cafeteria Menu:
Lasagna
Italian Green Beans
Salad

Every time I type "Italian", I say "Eye-talian" in my mind.

Today is Office Supply Wednesday and, as long as it doesn't contain fish, you're supposed to post a picture of office supplies on your desk. For the inaugural OSW post on my site, I'd like to showcase my llama gluestick and my two blonde gluesticks.

Today's Cafeteria Menu:
Fried Chicken Breast
Smashed Potatoes
Corn

The Cuz and I want to go to Office Depot to find fun things to put on our desks, so we will be going out to eat today. No fried breasts for us. No siree. Tomorrow is Office Supply Wednesday, and I expect everyone who's at work tomorrow to post pictures of something on your desk. The only rule is that it can't contain fish. [Don't ask.] I'm very very excited about the start of OSW, and I'm sure it's going to be a smash hit!

Not much to report today. Let's see, not talking to Party Whore and DJ Stoopid is proving to be just as easy as talking to them. Who knew? I showed Married IT Guy my little round chocolate balls, and he ate them with great enthusiam, even though he had a set of his own chocolate balls. [couldn't find a picture of those on google, wonder why?] I've been staying with The Cuz all this week and last, and it's been really fun. We've gone shopping a couple of times, been drinking a couple more, and are now behind on several days worth of precious sleep. We've tried Starfucks, but at this point, after this much sleep deprivation, no amount of flavored sugar can revive us in the morning.

As I mentioned before, The Cuz and I went shopping. Here's one of the things we bought on our shopping trip.

This is The Cuz's new purse.

This is The Cuz's new purse next to a box of cigs.

Any questions?

Nothing to face.
Written by [DaMasta]

I cry so hard
It bathes the dirt
My lonely soul
So shattered and dark.
So clean now shattered
All over the air
They fly
The pieces
Sharp, with black glare.
Watch my dreams
I cannot awake
I feel the hands over
My mouth, my face.
I wish for life
Or ultimate death
Dreaming on clouds
Or nothing to face.
No hate
No mortals
No reason to hide.
No fits for lust
No truths unlied.

You know what? If… :

…it takes you more than ninety seconds to figure out the paper toilet seat cover thingy in the bathroom, then maybe the paper toilet seat cover thingy is not a good idea.

…I were you, then you’d be me and I’d have to kick my own ass.

…I could be a magnet, I’d like to attract money and power instead of loser guys.

…mo’ money causes mo’ problems, I’d rather have those problems rather than the problems caused by no’ money.

…I could pick my own parents, I would keep my dad.

…there was a fire, I’d let the mutha f*cka burn.

…you can’t stand the heat, get out of my face.

…you look for love, you’ll never find it where it belongs.

…you watch any given episode of R. Kelly’s Trapped In the Closet, you will actually become dumber.

…you give a mouse a cookie, he’ll want a glass of vodka.

…you ask me to cook for you, it will be your last meal.

Duh.

You Are a Bad Girl

You are 20% Good and 80% Bad You're a total bad girl, from your wild hair to tattooed toes. But you're too badass to even care if you're labeled "bad"!

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

Today's Cafeteria Menu:
BBQ Brisket
Sausage
Potato Salad
Baked Beans

The Cuz likes BBQ, so we're staying in for lunch. A quick update on the Party Whore incident: DJ Sexy called me the other night and suggested that we all get together and try to make up. He misses the group being together and he missed the great laughs we had. He says Party Girl feels the same way, and she feels bad about what happened. Funny thing is, I haven't gotten a real apology from Party Girl. I haven't gotten so much as a word from her since the whole thing went down on Monday. Regardless, I have no desire to salvage what I had with Party Girl. We weren't even friends, so making nice to save an "aquaintance-ship" doesn't make much sense to me. This is still how I feel.

Conversations from within XYZ Corporation [The Oracle edition]:

My boss, affectionately known as The Oracle, says things that are very profound, asks questions that don’t need answering, and makes decisions for you without your help. What I love about The Oracle is that she speaks softly and carried a big firing stick. She determines the fate of every single person working here at the corporate office and she knows it. She doesn’t flaunt her powers, however, and most of the time she is calm and cool. And she is always collected. I love how she talks to me even when I'm answering the phone, and will continue to talk to me even after I've answered the phone. I love how she always compliments me when my only accomplishment to date is showing up for work. Here are some of my daily conversations with The Oracle:

Yesterday was my boss’s boss’s birthday. My boss, The Oracle, had me running around doing everything for this party. And when she asked for my advice, I realized that she didn’t really need my advice, but instead what she needed was a confirmation of what she thought were good ideas.

Oracle: [DaMasta], what do you think we should do for the party? I was thinking I could get some cake. What kind of cake do you like?
Me: Well, what about –
Oracle: Chocolate? No. Hmm… What about cheesecake?
Me: Oh, I like cheesecake.
Oracle: Where should I get it from? There’s Sam’s. Yes, why don’t we do that. What do you think?
Me: Yes ma’am. I think that’s a good idea.
Oracle: No, wait. I think I’ll get it freshly made. How many do you think we need? Let’s see, there’s 18 of us. I think we need two. Or one? I’ll make it two.
Me: Yes ma’am, two.
Oracle: Ok, look for a bakery in the area. Oh, wait. I know of one. Get them on the phone. I want them baked fresh for tomorrow. And I need you to pick them up. Oh, what a great idea. Thank you, [DaMasta].

Sometimes, an applicant comes in and has to complete a small novel worth of paperwork. And The Oracle waits for no one.

[on the phone]
Me: Yes ma’am?
Oracle: Is she done yet?
Me: No ma’am.
Oracle: Oooh, she’s messing up.
[click]

And if you’re late for an appointment, you might as well just drive straight off the bridge.

Oracle: Is she here yet?
Me: No ma’am.
Oracle: Well, I’m not going to like her even if she shows up.

[Fifteen minutes later. The applicant is now forty-five minutes late.]

Oracle: She’s still not here?
Me: No ma’am.
Oracle: I am furious. Now, she will never have a chance to work here. Ever.

Today's Cafeteria Menu:
Beef Tacos
Spanish Rice
Refried Beans

I thought it was supposed to be Mexican food Thursday. They must be using the Spanish calendar. I think their week starts on Tuesday.

Well, I'm back and I'm funny.

Last week, Party Whore announced to the group, formerly known as DJ Sexy, Married IT guy and I, that she would be leaving in five weeks. So, after today, it will be four weeks and two days. Let the countdown begin. And in keeping with the hate theme this week, I'd like to play a little game called "Stolen shit that's been changed a little for humor purposes." Here's how it works - Google thought it was sooo smart when it guessed "What [DaMasta] needs", I figured why not ask Google "What [DaMasta] hates." Here's what it told me:

"[DaMasta] hates her" - Well, looks like Mr. Google is off to a good start. Yes, yes I do hate her. We found that out yesterday. And it seems the feeling is mutual.

"[DaMasta] hates that Bianca takes risks like that" - Well, I don't know who Bianca is, but Mr. Google is telling the truth none the less. I hate when anyone takes a risk. I'm not a big gambler. I always quit while I'm ahead. And I always bet on black.

"[DaMasta] hates smelly things like chitlins" - Ew. Again, I've never had chitlins, but if they are smelly, I'm glad I haven't. I do hate smelly things. And I have a phobia of rotten food, so I always smell the milk before I drink it. Smelly milk gets the trash.

"[DaMasta] hates bananas" - That sh*t is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

"[DaMasta] hates woman's work" - True dat. Cooking, cleaning, washing smelly socks. It's just not my thang. It's my maid's thang, though.

Today, there will be no menu. And there will hardly be any funny. With every relationship, you must learn to love the good and the bad. With me, this means having to love the funny and the not funny. Like this post, for example.


Last Friday, I was invited by Party Girl and DJ Sexy to a night club after work. As always, I declined. I don't like clubs. I've said this to them before. Plus, earlier in the week, Party Girl had the audacity to suggest what I wear to the club. This put me over and beyond the edge. I'm not five years old. I don't need to be dressed. And, frankly, I think showing up looking like Party Girl [read hooker ] is just plain a bad idea. But they kept on insisting that I go, right up until 8pm on Friday night. I said I would call them back. I didn't. And I didn't show up at the club later that night either.

Yesterday morning, I was excited to bring my cousin on board with me at work. I had told her all the good things and all the bad things about Party Girl, DJ Sexy and Married IT Guy, and she was finally going to meet them. I emailed everyone and invited them to lunch in the cafeteria for a little "Meet and Greet with [DaMasta's cousin]." Nothing fancy, but it meant a lot to me. While Party Girl and I have our differences, we are still part of the same group of friends and are still inclined to be civil to each other. Or so I thought.

Come lunch time, Party Girl insists to DJ Sexy that they go out for lunch. And they take Married IT Guy with them. I'm left sitting in the cafeteria with my cousin and no "friends". They didn't show. They didn't even call. This completely embarrassed me in front of my cousin, and while my cousin didn't care either way, this completely ruined my day.

To top it all off, this is the email sent to me from Party Girl [and she copied DJ Sexy and Married IT Guy]:

You have been good friends, I value our good times together, but feel that my
friendship with [damasta] has crossed the line into toxic territory. This is a very delicate situation. I really care about this and want to be as kind and cool as possible. I could take the gradual route and become less available, and let us drift apart. Instead, I think it's important to be honest and
upfront about my feelings. The bottom line is that with [damasta] I feel like I'm being publically put down, unsupported in decisions I make and made to feel insecure. I do value the friendship that we started and respect the fact that we do have differences. So, I will give you guys some space. I just don't want to feel like I'm being made fun of, friends need to be supportive of each other. I just wanted to say goodbye honestly and gracefully.

This absolutely floored me. For one, she had just said everything I was feeling and beat me to the punch. Two, it was complete lies on her end. Three, she was clearly vying for the attention and support of the guys. Four, she was very unprofessional and manipulative.

This was my response:

If you want to make lunch plans that don't include me, that's fine. [not supportive on YOUR end]
If you want to humiliate me in the lunch room in front of everyone, that's fine. [not supportive on YOUR end]
If you want to make this public by emailing the whole group, that's fine. [going public on YOUR end]
This email to everyone is anything but graceful. It's downright backstabbing. And if our friendship means anything to you, you would have confronted me first. If this was your best attempt at salvaging our friendship, you did a poor job.

What I would have liked to say to her:

You are completely unprofessional. I take my job seriously and I do not need a two-faced whore like you fucking up my day at work. You want to be with DJ Stoopid, go right ahead. You are childish and self-absorbed and don't deserve a loyal friend like me. You are passive-agressive in your attempts to win the charm of men and in your attempts to back stab women like me. I've seen thru your manipulations from the beginning and I'm not impressed. I haven't been impressed by your slutty outfits on Fridays. I haven't been impressed by your inappropriate behavior at the lunch table. And I am especially not impressed with your lack of poise or sensorship at work. I refuse to argue over this matter with you here at work, on company time and thru company email. If this continues, I have a boss in HR who would be more than interested to read your lovely correspondence.

In conclusion, if you ever so much as look in my direction again, someone is going to end up with a black eye. And it isn't going to be me.

Today's Cafeteria Menu:
Grilled Chicken Breast
Garlic Green Beans
Small Side Salad

Heh... I said chicken.

Today I have an important announcement. My cousin has started working at XYZ Fashion Corporation this morning. This development is important to me in a number of different ways:

Top 5 Great Things about DaMasta's cousin coming to work for XYZ Corporation:

1. Combined together we form a being so powerful it can eliminate even the most heightened level of stupidity that emerges from DJ Dumbass and Party Whore.

2. She can use me to speak Mexican to the cooks to get a double scoop of eggs in her breakfast tacos.

3. I can add another person to my list of "people to watch trip up the stairs".

4. Someone to whisper clever comebacks in my ear when Party Whore is passive-aggressively insulting me from across the lunch table.

5. Adds more drama to blog about.

Today's Cafeteria Menu:
Chicken Tenders
Mashed Potatoes
Corn

Weeee...corn again. I stole this post from Bobby because I have recently added site meter to my blog and I am now completely obsessed with it. And, according to the referrals list, people google "quesadillas" all the time, which, coincidentally, brings them to my site. Woo, fun.


Who's Googling Me?

Renton, Washington - (search.netscape) "how did they make quesadillas" 9:16PM Nov 2nd - Well, Mr. Renton Washington, "they" still "make" quesadillas here in the real world. Where have you been? Under a rock? Apparently, at 9pm at night on Nov 2nd, Mr. Washington felt a need to make a so-called quesadilla and he visited my site to learn how. Unfortunately for Mr. Washington, I have yet to put a quesadilla recipe on my blog. Oops.

Tijuana, Mexico - (google.com) "history of the quesadilla" 2:45PM Nov 2nd - WTF? Here's a thought Mr. Mexico . . . GO ASK YOUR FUCKING NEIGHBORS!

Whittier, California - (search.msn) "how much does cheese quesadillas cost" 11:27AM Nov 2nd - Here's Mr. California. It's lunch time. He's hungry. He pulls out his wallet, OH NO! Only a few bucks and a hankering for a cheese quesadilla. What he should have asked is "how much does hooked on phonics cost".

Seattle, Washington - (search.msn) "quesadillas" 11:40AM Nov 2nd - Another lunch time quesadilla craving. Wow - all you have to do is type in quesadillas and I'm there. Sweet.

The following searches have nothing to do with me or my site, per se, but I was still the FIRST one on the list when googled.

Portland, Oregon - (google.com) "weed, fraggle" 1:24AM Nov 2nd - LMFAO. I can't get over this one. I don't know if Mr. Oregon wanted to get high with some fraggles or if he meant to look up what he should do if he's high and was feeling frazzled, but either way, what he really needed was the number to Dominos for a late night delivery. My site was first on the list because I had blogged about my wanting the fraggle rock show to return and a hankering for weed in the same post.

Lawnside, New Jersey - (search.yahoo) "I wear jeans to the beach" 3:07PM Nov 1st - Hey, check it out. Someone else likes to wear jeans to the beach. Score. Hey Lawnside, if you ever stop by my blog again - call me.

Buffalo, New York - (google.com) "plane quesadillas" 2:21PM Nov 3rd - I don't know if Mr. New York was trying to catch a plane to Mexico or if he wanted a quesadilla with nothing on it, but what he got yesterday was a boob full of rat. And he didn't even stay for dessert.

Today's Cafeteria Menu:
You know what? I'm slipping this week. I know I went to the cafeteria this morning cause I have a half a bagel on my desk, but I can't for the life of me remember what the menu said. I could make up some shit, but that wouldn't be fair to you. So instead, you get no menu. Tough. Sometimes, life's not fair.

Look, it's "Big Ass Quiz" Wednesday. I can't wait.



10 Favorites
Favorite Season: Winter
Favorite Sport: Baseball
Favorite Time: Beer Thirty
Favorite Color: Pink
Favorite Actor: Patrick Dempsey
Favorite Actress: Uma Thurman
Favorite Ice Cream: Cookies and Cream
Favorite Food: Quesadillas, duh. 2nd fav: Enchiladas
Favorite Drink: Champagne. But, sadly, there’s no sex in the Champagne room.
Favorite Place: My mattress.

9 Currents
Current Feeling: Satisfied.
Current Underwear Color: Light pink with dark pink trimming.
Current Windows Open: Outlook Inbox, Yahoo Inbox, checkraise.com, the 5th circle, Word
Current Drink: H2O
Current Time: 7:54 AM CST
Current Mobile(s) Used: Tmobile Samsung X475
Current Show on TV: I’m at work, but I am addicted to the Amazing Race.
Current Thought: Is it Friday yet?
Current Clothes: Black pants, Black heels, long sleeve pin-stripped shirt

8 Firsts
First Nickname: Hubba Bubba, my dad’s version of a nickname.
First Kiss: The summer between 8th grade and 9th grade. He said, “Mmm… you taste like bubble gum.”
First Crush: 4th grade. His name was Judd. He was a hunky little boy with cool jeans and boots.
First Best Friend: A gay dude in 3rd grade.
First Vehicle I drove: 1991 Ford Ranger. I thought I was the shit.
First Job: Holland Southwest International. Sales clerk. Never work with family. Especially your mother.
First Movie: E.T. Scared the crap out of me. Still afraid of E.T. And, no, it’s not funny.
First Pet: Quesa Dilla, a beige-hooded rat.
First Shave: As soon as I could notice my hairs.

7 Lasts
Last Drink: Smirnoff Ice
Last Kiss: This past weekend.
Last Time I Drove: 23 minutes ago.
Last Time Shaved: Yesterday.
Last Web Site Visited: The 5th
Last Movie Watched: Dodgeball
Last Pill I Had: Don’t remember. Must have been a good pill.

6 Have You Evers
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yes, many times.
Have You Ever Been Drunk: I’m drunk right now.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: Do they have bars in Houston?
Have You Ever Been in the Middle/Close to Gunfire or Bomb Blast: No. I didn’t grow up in the ghetto.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Yes, in my boyfriend’s pool in college with a couple of friends watching.
Have You Ever Broken Anyone's Heart: I am a heart-breaker, baby.

5 Things
Things You Can Hear Right Now: Visitors at the front desk, my phone buzzing, the plasma screens in the lobby.
Things on Your Bed: Three blankets and one gi-normous pillow.
Things You Ate Today: A half of a piece of a bagel.
Things You Can’t Live Without: Sex, alcohol and cigarettes.
Things You Do When You Are Bored: Sleep.

4 Places You Have Been Today
My bed.
My shower.
My car.
My desk.

3 Things On Your Desk Right Now
The rest of my bagel.
My favorite glue stick.
The cord connecting my head to the phone system.

2 Choices
Black or White: Black
Hot or Cold: Cold

1 Thing You Want To Do Before You Die
Marry well.

Today's Cafeteria Menu:
Screw It. I don't care what's on the menu today because I will be going out to lunch with my mother and her friends at Pablano's. It's a Mexican restaurant, of course. And it's Taco Tuesday. Which means you get a free taco with your meal. Hmmfft. Let me know when it's Margarita Monday. Free margarita with lunch. I'll go on that day.

I read all of the quiz results last night, and I have the scoreboard. Here are everyone's scores:

Thomcat ----- 80

Ariella ----- 80

Breazy ----- 70

Sherri ----- 70

Snavy ----- 70

BS ----- 70

itsasecret -----70

Idiot -----60

Jinxy ----- 60

Bobby ----- 50

Jerk ----- 50

For the most part, everyone did pretty well. Most of the answers were in the blog. (It was an open-blog test, did I forget to mention that?) I find it interesting that a dog and a cat were higher-scoring than actual people. And that "itsasecret" beat out Jinxy and Bobby, who have been reading my blog from the beginning.

Whoever thought I attended Texas A&M University ought to be shot. I did not attend a school where you can major in Cows. I did not attend a school in which the Dean didn't see anything wrong with building the world's biggest fire hazard.

For some reason, Jerk thought I wanted to be a fireman when I was younger. No, no I don't think so. And Bobby thought that bitch-slapping DJ Sexy would bring me peace during chaos. Bitch-slapping Party Whore, maybe. But DJ Sexy? No.

So, it seems not everyone knows my nicknames. Here they are, complete with history:

Crackhead: Ah, yes. The lovingly appointed nickname my cousin Jessica gave to me when I was 21. During that year, I was drunk most of the time. I blame it all on her, by the way. I was living with her after college, and most of my time was spent drinking away the money I was earning from my paid internship. Can you imagine how I acted then? Cracking jokes all the time and drunk? She said I was acting like a crackhead. So there. Now, all of her friends (and most of that side of the family) know me as crackhead. She'll be on the phone saying...Erica is here...oh, you know... crackhead. Nice.

Super E: This one is pretty straight forward. I was working as a manager at a rental car company. The driver there called me Super E after he found out that I was an avid collector of Superman items.

Tinkerbell: This one is pretty new. Actually only a couple weeks old. Dim HR chick thought it would be cute to call me tinkerbell because now that I'm on an all water regimen, I have to pee every fifteen minutes. And every time I have to pee, I have to call her to the desk to she can relieve me. Cute, huh?