You know what? If… :

…it takes you more than ninety seconds to figure out the paper toilet seat cover thingy in the bathroom, then maybe the paper toilet seat cover thingy is not a good idea.

…I were you, then you’d be me and I’d have to kick my own ass.

…I could be a magnet, I’d like to attract money and power instead of loser guys.

…mo’ money causes mo’ problems, I’d rather have those problems rather than the problems caused by no’ money.

…I could pick my own parents, I would keep my dad.

…there was a fire, I’d let the mutha f*cka burn.

…you can’t stand the heat, get out of my face.

…you look for love, you’ll never find it where it belongs.

…you watch any given episode of R. Kelly’s Trapped In the Closet, you will actually become dumber.

…you give a mouse a cookie, he’ll want a glass of vodka.

…you ask me to cook for you, it will be your last meal.