Today's Cafeteria Menu:
BBQ Brisket
Sausage
Potato Salad
Baked Beans

The Cuz likes BBQ, so we're staying in for lunch. A quick update on the Party Whore incident: DJ Sexy called me the other night and suggested that we all get together and try to make up. He misses the group being together and he missed the great laughs we had. He says Party Girl feels the same way, and she feels bad about what happened. Funny thing is, I haven't gotten a real apology from Party Girl. I haven't gotten so much as a word from her since the whole thing went down on Monday. Regardless, I have no desire to salvage what I had with Party Girl. We weren't even friends, so making nice to save an "aquaintance-ship" doesn't make much sense to me. This is still how I feel.

Conversations from within XYZ Corporation [The Oracle edition]:

My boss, affectionately known as The Oracle, says things that are very profound, asks questions that don’t need answering, and makes decisions for you without your help. What I love about The Oracle is that she speaks softly and carried a big firing stick. She determines the fate of every single person working here at the corporate office and she knows it. She doesn’t flaunt her powers, however, and most of the time she is calm and cool. And she is always collected. I love how she talks to me even when I'm answering the phone, and will continue to talk to me even after I've answered the phone. I love how she always compliments me when my only accomplishment to date is showing up for work. Here are some of my daily conversations with The Oracle:

Yesterday was my boss’s boss’s birthday. My boss, The Oracle, had me running around doing everything for this party. And when she asked for my advice, I realized that she didn’t really need my advice, but instead what she needed was a confirmation of what she thought were good ideas.

Oracle: [DaMasta], what do you think we should do for the party? I was thinking I could get some cake. What kind of cake do you like?
Me: Well, what about –
Oracle: Chocolate? No. Hmm… What about cheesecake?
Me: Oh, I like cheesecake.
Oracle: Where should I get it from? There’s Sam’s. Yes, why don’t we do that. What do you think?
Me: Yes ma’am. I think that’s a good idea.
Oracle: No, wait. I think I’ll get it freshly made. How many do you think we need? Let’s see, there’s 18 of us. I think we need two. Or one? I’ll make it two.
Me: Yes ma’am, two.
Oracle: Ok, look for a bakery in the area. Oh, wait. I know of one. Get them on the phone. I want them baked fresh for tomorrow. And I need you to pick them up. Oh, what a great idea. Thank you, [DaMasta].

Sometimes, an applicant comes in and has to complete a small novel worth of paperwork. And The Oracle waits for no one.

[on the phone]
Me: Yes ma’am?
Oracle: Is she done yet?
Me: No ma’am.
Oracle: Oooh, she’s messing up.
[click]

And if you’re late for an appointment, you might as well just drive straight off the bridge.

Oracle: Is she here yet?
Me: No ma’am.
Oracle: Well, I’m not going to like her even if she shows up.

[Fifteen minutes later. The applicant is now forty-five minutes late.]

Oracle: She’s still not here?
Me: No ma’am.
Oracle: I am furious. Now, she will never have a chance to work here. Ever.