Today, there will be no menu. And there will hardly be any funny. With every relationship, you must learn to love the good and the bad. With me, this means having to love the funny and the not funny. Like this post, for example.


Last Friday, I was invited by Party Girl and DJ Sexy to a night club after work. As always, I declined. I don't like clubs. I've said this to them before. Plus, earlier in the week, Party Girl had the audacity to suggest what I wear to the club. This put me over and beyond the edge. I'm not five years old. I don't need to be dressed. And, frankly, I think showing up looking like Party Girl [read hooker ] is just plain a bad idea. But they kept on insisting that I go, right up until 8pm on Friday night. I said I would call them back. I didn't. And I didn't show up at the club later that night either.

Yesterday morning, I was excited to bring my cousin on board with me at work. I had told her all the good things and all the bad things about Party Girl, DJ Sexy and Married IT Guy, and she was finally going to meet them. I emailed everyone and invited them to lunch in the cafeteria for a little "Meet and Greet with [DaMasta's cousin]." Nothing fancy, but it meant a lot to me. While Party Girl and I have our differences, we are still part of the same group of friends and are still inclined to be civil to each other. Or so I thought.

Come lunch time, Party Girl insists to DJ Sexy that they go out for lunch. And they take Married IT Guy with them. I'm left sitting in the cafeteria with my cousin and no "friends". They didn't show. They didn't even call. This completely embarrassed me in front of my cousin, and while my cousin didn't care either way, this completely ruined my day.

To top it all off, this is the email sent to me from Party Girl [and she copied DJ Sexy and Married IT Guy]:

You have been good friends, I value our good times together, but feel that my
friendship with [damasta] has crossed the line into toxic territory. This is a very delicate situation. I really care about this and want to be as kind and cool as possible. I could take the gradual route and become less available, and let us drift apart. Instead, I think it's important to be honest and
upfront about my feelings. The bottom line is that with [damasta] I feel like I'm being publically put down, unsupported in decisions I make and made to feel insecure. I do value the friendship that we started and respect the fact that we do have differences. So, I will give you guys some space. I just don't want to feel like I'm being made fun of, friends need to be supportive of each other. I just wanted to say goodbye honestly and gracefully.

This absolutely floored me. For one, she had just said everything I was feeling and beat me to the punch. Two, it was complete lies on her end. Three, she was clearly vying for the attention and support of the guys. Four, she was very unprofessional and manipulative.

This was my response:

If you want to make lunch plans that don't include me, that's fine. [not supportive on YOUR end]
If you want to humiliate me in the lunch room in front of everyone, that's fine. [not supportive on YOUR end]
If you want to make this public by emailing the whole group, that's fine. [going public on YOUR end]
This email to everyone is anything but graceful. It's downright backstabbing. And if our friendship means anything to you, you would have confronted me first. If this was your best attempt at salvaging our friendship, you did a poor job.

What I would have liked to say to her:

You are completely unprofessional. I take my job seriously and I do not need a two-faced whore like you fucking up my day at work. You want to be with DJ Stoopid, go right ahead. You are childish and self-absorbed and don't deserve a loyal friend like me. You are passive-agressive in your attempts to win the charm of men and in your attempts to back stab women like me. I've seen thru your manipulations from the beginning and I'm not impressed. I haven't been impressed by your slutty outfits on Fridays. I haven't been impressed by your inappropriate behavior at the lunch table. And I am especially not impressed with your lack of poise or sensorship at work. I refuse to argue over this matter with you here at work, on company time and thru company email. If this continues, I have a boss in HR who would be more than interested to read your lovely correspondence.

In conclusion, if you ever so much as look in my direction again, someone is going to end up with a black eye. And it isn't going to be me.