And I Can Turn a Grey Sky Blue

The other night I had a dream about my Long Distance Love. We were trying to put together a puzzle, or figure out a game, .. I couldn't figure out what it was.. and we were on a roller coaster, going around and around.. all the while, not knowing why we were there or how to put together the puzzle. The ride was fun, but it was complicated by the fact that we didn't know how to complete the task at hand.

I consulted my dream encyclopedia and cross referenced "lost" and "rollercoaster" and this is what it said:

"Many times life feels like a journey, and in dreamland, the journey becomes confused. Being lost can symbolize the lack of ability to make choices in your waking life. It can also mean a feeling of isolation or sense that motion is not leading to progress. If you are lost due to motion that does not lead to progress, you may be pretty ambivalent about whether your waking life is meaningful. Your ability to feel effective in life is being compromised in some area that needs a little examination."

Hmm... choices, choices, choices.. I'm such an indecisive person that making choices in my life is an on-going struggle in many areas. I think being the oldest child [and only child for ten years], I'm terrified of failure. Which is ironic, because I've failed so many times in my life, you'd think I'd be used to it by now.

This is one of the reasons why I'm terrified of relationships. I think to myself.. I'm sure I'll fuck it up somehow. I'm sure the blissful feeling at the start of the relationship will wear off and leave us indifferent and resentful.

I wonder how I became so cynical about relationships? I don't come from a broken family, I don't think any of my friends have gone thru a divorce, and I'm not hung up on some old hurtful reltaionship from the past.

Well, you know what they say about facing your fears, right? You should.. uh.. face them. So, I'm doing what any sane person who's deathly afraid of relationships would do... I'm jumping head first into the dating pool. So far, I've met a couple of different people, and as those relationships progress, I'll keep you updated.

Until then, if you have any dreams for my dream encyclopedia to analyze, just ask in the commets!