I'm a big [not so] fat loser.

It started in December. It was a bleak and miserable week. Oh, how I thought the world had turned against me. I thought the evil gods of skinny whores like Paris Hilton and the Olson twins were out to destroy hot curvacious babes such as myself. It was an audruous battle between good and bitter, and although bitter put up a good fight [and sometimes won a few], I came out the ultimate victor.

Of course I did. Who else, but DaMasta.

For a month and a half I deprived myself of carbs. For the first time in my life. [And, now, probably for the ONLY time in my life.] One day, in the middle of January, I woke up and I had suddenly lost two pant sizes. Seriously. That's how the shit works. You are angry all the time, yelling and shouting and shaking your tiny fists of fury at everyone, and then BOOM, you wake up one day and you're skinny. And the world is right again.

Since losing 20 pounds the first month sans carbs, I've gone back to eating carbs, but I've picked up the nifty little habit of working out. And not just working out. Working out at 4:45 am every morning. Thaaaaaaaaat's right. My happy [little] ass gets up at 4:45 am to work out for an hour or so. Then I go home, scrub my ass, and get ready for work.

Needless to say, I've learned a few things on this Mission of Death:

1. DaMasta without carbs is a-no-bueno. Lack of carbs will make DaMasta snarky, irritable, and cranky. [And according to Secret Lover Boy, not so fun to live with.]

2. I can go without pooing for a whole week, and I will not die. [You would be surprised by what no carbs will do to your stomach.]

3. Diet Dr. Pepper is my new best good friend.

4. Beans have carbs. But beans also have protein. So, it's a wash.

5. Taco Bell employees get fucking confused as shit when you ask for no rice and add lettuce.

6. If I get hungry enough, I will resort to eating spoonfuls of peanut butter.

7. It costs a shit-ton of money to be on a diet. Carbs are much cheaper.

8. You know you're falling off the wagon when you start making excuses to eat carbs again. [ie: "I'm sick and my body needs the energy." or "I'm about to die and my one last wish is a burrito from Taco Bell."]

9. Working out at 4:45 am sounds like a bad idea, but it for real will give you energy during the day. At night, however, you will pass out at 6:30 pm and sleep soundly until morning.

10. I always get fatter before I get skinnier when I start a work-out routine. And I can't wait until the skinnier part.

[*This post was inspired by/stolen from Fritz. She's sexier than me. I'm her new bitch.]

My goal is 50 lbs. I've lost 25 and a half pounds as of yesterday.