The Nine Layers of My Onion

So, I stole this shit from Spinning Girl again. Damn, she always has fun new ways for me to tag my own ass. And I just couldn't wait till Monday, so here it is.

People are like bloomin' onions with so many layers just waiting to be uncovered. Or something like that. Here are my layers.

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Layer One

Name: DaMasta [of DaUniverse]
Birthdate: December 27, 1979
Birthplace: St. Joseph's Hospital, Downtown Houston
Current Location: Houston, Texas
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Brown, with natural auburn highlights
Righty or Lefty: Righty tighty
Sun Sign: Crapricorn
Innie or Outtie: Innie. Ew, they still make outties?

Layer Two

Your heritage: Most part Mexican, One Part American Indian, One Part French [well... that's what my grandma says, but who knows... she's a little crazy], One Part Spanish, One Part Tequila. Stir gently.
The shoes you wore today: Black heels. What else?
Your hair: A little past my shoulders, and curly as hell.
Your eyes: Two?
Your weakness: Men. Older men. Older men with five o'clock shadow. Older men with five o'clock shadow that have enough money to support me and/or like to cook.
Your fears: Never getting married, dying in a car crash, marriage, carnivals, showing up in public without pants on, never being famous, being too famous, Tom Cruise, Oprah, James Frey's crackwhore girlfriend.
Your perfect pizza: Snasauge, jalapenos, and black olives.
One thing you'd like to achieve: Marrying a rich dude.

Layer Three

Your most overused phrase: What a hoeflake!
Your first waking thoughts: Need... more... sleep...
The first features you notice in the opposite sex: Hair do, smile, wallet.
Your best physical feature: Do you really need to ask? My rack.
Your bedtime: Whenever I fall asleep and/or pass out from the drugs.
Your greatest fear: Accidentally forgetting to breathe when I'm sleeping.
Your greatest accomplishment: Finding/keeping this job.
Your most missed memory: Most of my childhood. I have a bad long term memory.

Layer Four

Single or group dates: Group? I'm not that kind of girl.
Adidas or Nike: I don't own tennis shoes.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Diet Dr. Pepper
Chocolate or vanilla: Cookies 'n' Creme
Cappuccino or coffee: Hot chocolate with marshmallows.

Layer Five

Smoke: I smoke sometimes. Sometimes when I buy a pack. But I haven't in about two weeks.
Cuss: Are you fucking kidding me? Shit, I cuss like a mother fucking sailor.
Sing: and dance in my car, in my bedroom, and in front of the tv.
Take a shower everyday: Why yes, yes I do. I wouldn't lay down in that bath tub. Oh, no way.
Have a crush: Not at the moment.
Been in love: I thought so, but I'm not married, so I guess.. no.
Went to college: Bunches of times. Almost majored in Microbiology, Finance, and Corporate Communications. Got bored. So, now, I'm only kinda smart about a lot of different things.
Liked high school: I liked the making out with boys part. Seriously, though, I graduated top ten percent of my class with a 4.64. So either I liked school, or it really came easy for me.
Want to get married: Um, I'm not entirely sure. I'll get back with you on that one. But don't call us, we'll call you.
Believe in yourself: I believe I exist. Was that the question?
Type with your fingers on the right keys: Oh, yeah. I'm an expert at this typing shit. I type 72 words per minute. Fast, huh? When you walk by my desk, all you hear is, click clack clickity click clack cloo.
Think you're attractive: I'm not more than you can handle, just more than you're used to.
Think you're a health freak: Pfft. As if.
Get along with your parents: Only when they're not talking directly at me.
Play an instrument: Clarinet, the steering wheel drums, and air harmonica.

Layer Six
In the past month, did you...

Drink alcohol: Jack and diet Coke. No carbs.
Smoke: Smoke what? Yes and yes.
Do a drug: I thought that's what you meant by smoke.
Make Out: Nope. Not even once.
Go on a date: Yeah, he was a prude. That's why no making out.
Eat an entire box of Oreos: God no.
Eat sushi: If I wanted raw fish, I would have stuck my head in the ocean.
Been on stage: A girl can only dream.
Been dumped: Nope. Well, I guess if you don't count the time he wouldn't make out with me.
Gone skating: Watched skating with Celebrities last night. Stoopid ass celebrities.
Made homemade cookies: God no.
Fall in love: Fell out of love.
Go skinny dipping: No. Why? Were you watching?
Dyed your hair: Nope. Damn... am I really this boring?
Stolen anything: Ah... finally... a YES. And when I steal shit, I say to my accomplice, "That shit was $ free.99!"

Layer Seven
Have you ever...

Played a game that required removal of clothing: Like a sex game? You know it.
If so, was it mixed company: It better well have been.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yesterday.
Been caught doing something: Yes. By my parent. It was as horrific as it sounds.
Been called a tease: Been called worse.
Gotten beaten up: Fuck no. Do you know who I be?
Shoplifted: Didn't I already answer this question? Who wrote this shit?
If so, did you get caught: Nope. I'm good.
Changed who you were to fit in: Nope, I've always lied, cheated and stolen to get where I am today.

Layer Eight

Age you hope to be married: Anytime before I'm 82.
Numbers and Names of Children: That I've given a wedgie to? Oh geezus... this could take a while...
Describe your Dream Wedding: Drive-thru chapel in Vegas.
How do you want to die: What? I have to die? Why, God, why?
What do you want to be when you grow up: Taller.
What countr(ies) would you most like to visit: Spain, to find my real family.

Layer Nine
[Phew. We're almost done.]

Number of men I have kissed: One.
Number of boyfriends you've had: I can't count that high. [lol... I said high... ]
Number of drugs taken illegally: I do a little experiementing.
Number of people I could trust with my life: The Cuz, The Ex, and my dad.
Number of CDs that I own: 28
Number of piercings: 3 in my left ear, 3 in my right ear, 1 in my tongue.
Number of tattoos: Just the one care bear on my left ass cheek.
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Too many to count.
Number of scars on my body: One on my knee [stop thinking like that, you perv], one on my hand, one chicken pok scar on my left eyebrow.
Number of things in my past that I regret: No, seriously, I don't call them regrets. I just call them wastes of my time.