Eye Wander

I am soo sleepy this morning from all the fun I had over the weekend that I just wanna go home and sleep and wake up at 4pm and watch Oprah. I know I said I was afraid of Oprah, but I figure since she's in the tv box, and I'm in the "real world", she can't get me and make me read one of her books on her book club. [Again, that is.]

Sometimes I wonder.

How do people forget to close their gas caps on their cars? How is it that you OPEN the gas cap, pump gas, TURN AROUND to put the gas pumper thingy back on the hook, and then DON'T TURN AROUND and CLOSE YOUR FUCKING GAS CAP?? It's like not wiping your ass in the restroom. Ok, it's not like that at all, but it should be that important to you.

Am I really as evil as my parents? Sure, I steal and cheat and lie on occasion, but other than that I'm a pretty decent person. I'm always trusting of people, I would do anything to help a friend in need, I'd give you my last cheesestick, I'd pay for your gas till Payday, I'd even buy you a hooker if you lost your job. What's the damn dilly-o with my parents? They are evil. Pure evil, I tell you.

Why does everyfuckingthing I put on in the morning have to smell like something different? My shampoo and conditioner smell like botanicals [whatever those are], my deodorant smells like powder, my body wash smells like warm vanilla sugar, my mousse [yes, I still use mousse, trust me it'd be scarier if I didn't] smells like citrus, my hair spray smells like flowers and leaves, my lotion smells like suntan lotion [but it's not], and my perfume smells like Armani Sensi.

I want a sugar daddy. Is that so much to ask? What does it take to nab a sugar daddy? Does anyone know? Do I really have to look like a hooker in order for someone to want to support me till death do I part? I try to go for older men, but most of them are poorer than I am. And a lot of good that does me.

For some reason, it really bothers me when people say, "Oh, that shirt is soo pretty!" or "Those shoes are cute!" What the fuck does everything else I wear look like? Shit?