Since everyone's gone for the holidays, I'm left sitting here at work with nothing to do but think about my birthday. It's coming up, you know, and I know you have something special planned for me. I just know it. So, I went around to google, trying to find some hint as to what ya'll have planned for me on my birthday.

Here's what I found:

Holy drunken Asian chicks, Batman! Whoever thought of inviting drunk Asian chicks to my party, YOU ROCK!! Fuckin' A!! This is going to be one kick ass party...

MmmMmm... birthday cake. Wait. What the fuck? Why did the horses melt? Why is that blonde chick melting off the side of the cake? Hmmm.... has to be Sweedish. They're nuts.

No and No. Yes, I like the Wizard of Oz. Yes, I have the collector's edition VHS tape. But under no circumstances are you to invite some crazy chick dressed as Dorothy to my party. And. absolutely. no. kareoke.

Bowling?!?!? WEeeeeeeeeeeee...fun!! But, wait?... Who are these fuckers? Uh uh. Nope. Birthday rule #746, no dorks allowed. Jerks, Idiots, Thomcats, Bullshitters, Limes, Dogs, Seahags, ok. But absolutely, no dorks.

Oh, look! That could be me many moons ago, if I had straight hair, were white, and a sweet innocent child once. But nope, just some random spawn celebrating her birthmas. [Christmas birthday]

Happy Holidays [or whatever], Everyone! I shall return Tuesday, the day of my birth.