Today's Cafeteria Menu:
Chicken Parmasean
Potatoes
Italian Green Beans

It's like Seseame Street. Which one of those things doesn't belong? Which one of those things just doesn't go with the others? I'm thinking the potatoes spoke Mexican to the cooks just so they could get on the menu today.

Last night, before I went to sleep, it was about 69 degrees outside. So I kept the air conditioner on. [I like it a frosty 65 degrees in my house]. This morning when I woke up, it was a blistering 32 degrees outside. So there I was trapped under the covers with the a/c on. So I stayed in bed until the last posible minute, and then ran to the living room and turned the heater on right before I froze to death. Whew. That was too close for comfort.

It's really starting to bug me that consumers are getting angry about retailers saying "Happy Holidays" vs. "Merry Christmas", or "Holiday Sale" vs. "Christmas Sale." I don't want to get into it on this blog, so please don't flame me in the comments. [Besides, Holiday comes from Latin words meaning Holy Day]. Listen, I think calling it Holidays is a way to avoid alienating certain religions and from a business stand point, expand our demographic. Whether you call it Christmas or Chrismahanakwanzica, this time of the year should be about the joy of the season, shopping at all the One Day sales you can find, and more importantly, my birthday. I love this time of year. I love the Chrismas songs being played in the stores. I love entertaining family and friends [mostly with my stories of disappointment and tragedy]. I love blowing my paycheck on my Secret Santa at work. I love it all. So just remember that however you celebrate this season, allow yourself to enjoy the company of others, however different they may be from you.


Duties I Perform Each Day Because I Have No Actual Duties to Perform Each Day:

1. Find time to decorate my five-inch tall desktop Christmas tree with paperclips and staplers shaped like stars.

2. Count the number of people who have the runs on Mexican food Thursdays.

3. Wonder why the hell we need 18 fucking wreaths in the building.

4. Try to explain to Loss Prevention why it is I keep taking pictures of objects on my desk every Wednesday.

5. Try to flirt my way into free samples with all the vendors. So far, just a free shirt and some cookies. Note to self: Show more boob.

6. Try to explain to dim HR chick that if she keeps missing work then, yes, she just might get fired.

7. Try to spell out “Bah Humbug” on my desk using only my candy cane pens.

8. Try to figure out who glued a Hershey’s kiss to the top of my computer.

9. Answer the phone “Happy Holidays” just to see how many people I can piss off.

10. Stalk all my blog lurkers and scare them into leaving a comment. I’m serious. Leave a comment or your dog Fluffy gets it.